Teen Beach Movie Scores 8 Million Viewers And You’re Too Old To Even Know What I’m Talking About

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Teen Beach Movie Singing_

Where were you when Disney Channel premiered its new, very creatively-named original movie, Teen Beach Movie? Maybe you were doing laundry, dusting off your personal china collection, or some other responsible thing but I'd like to wager that you weren't one of the eight million people that tuned into the movie's premiere. This isn't a very risky bet, though, because if you're anything like me, you didn't even know that this movie was happening. It just kind of snuck onto the airways for an hour and a half, gathered its things and then watched as the ratings of High School Musical became engulfed in flames behind it. That's right, it surpassed the first HSM movie in viewership by just under one million viewers, which is impressive for a network that also now has a show called Dog With A Blog on its roster.

This news is actually causing me to have some sort of age-related crisis at the moment because I feel so out of touch with today's youth. I feel the waistband of my jeans creeping toward my belly button, my haircut morphing into a convenient and sensible style, and the rear window of my car growing those decals with the members of my family because I don't know how this slipped under my radar. How could I let this happen? How did I not see the potential impact that this new-but-follows-the-old-formula movie could have? I mean, eight whole million people took one look at mini-Zac Efron and little Vanessa Hudgens in all of their faux-'60s glory and thought, “if I never do anything else in life, I MUST help that movie make Disney Channel history.” That's a big deal around these parts.

In case you and I were hiding underneath the same rock this past weekend, here are 6 facts that every adult human should know about this movie. This is dire info, okay?!?

1. It's a movie-within-a movie and it's pretty meta.

The song, “Can't Stop Singing,” is surprisingly self-aware. “Everything I say, it rhymes. Here comes another line,” laments leading lady McKenzie as she and Brady dance along against their wills. Can't make fun of something that already pokes fun at itself!

2. It's got Disney's signature charm.

You know the one I'm talking about. The one that makes it easy to look past the sometimes-flat signing and always-predictable storyline.

3. It's got references you'll get.

West Side Story Dancing In the Street


The movie-within-a-movie that Brady and McKenzie find themselves in is called Wet Side Story, which, despite looking like a typo, is just a nod to the musical of a similar name, West Side Story. I respect the allusion but isn't that, like, asking for a lawsuit, Disney execs?

4. You better believe there are several dance sequences.

One of which features fingerless leather gloves and a skin tight red shirt. It's to the song, Cruisin' For A Bruisin', and was likely taken right off of Grease‘s cutting room floor.

5. It's one of only three Disney movies filmed on-location in Puerto Rico.

So in case you couldn't get away this summer, you can just watch this movie on mute with the sounds of the ocean playing on your iPhone and just pretend. Doesn't that sound like an afternoon that is equally fun and depressing?

6. There is an official dance-along edition.

Teen Beach Movie Dance Along Version


I'm not sure what this means because can't you dance along to the normal version by standing in front of your TV and flailing along with the characters? Do they, like, send over a seasoned dance instructor to help you along? In any event, if you have the sort of interests that align with dancing along to this movie, Disney's got you covered.

(Lead Photo: Disney)