Thank God No One Let Taylor Swift Dance In ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’

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Taylor Swift released her video for “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” and she crammed something in there for everyone. We've already discussed how Taylor is retreading old ground with the lyrics of this song. Well, she's done the same for the video.

The video doesn't technically drop until tonight, but you can watch a preview of it here on MTV's website.

For loyal Taylor Swift fans looking for a shot-of-the-singer-in-her-pajamas-and-glasses-through-the-window a la “You Belong With Me,” rest assured. Your wish is granted in the first few seconds of the song. Perhaps Taylor doesn’t think we will recognize her if she doesn’t go through a She’s All That transformation in her videos. You guys! She’s just a regular girl who sleeps in pajamas and has optical issues! This time, though, Taylor is more Pink Ladies than she is nerd from high school, borrowing cat eye glasses from Marty, the shiny pink ponytail from good-girl Sandy, and the red lipstick from bad-girl Sandy.

Not sold by the typical-Taylor elements? Well, do you like Zoobilee Zoo? I hope you do, because Taylor leans heavily on that acid trip of a children’s show for inspiration for her band’s costumes. The band appears in full animal garb (some with face paint) throughout the video, as they rock to and fro and stare uncomfortably into the camera for like… a long time.

The biggest success of the video is that we narrowly avoid having to watch Taylor do any actual dancing while singing a song that is very danceable. If you’ve seen her perform live, you’ve witnessed the awkwardness that is all fifteen feet of her limbs trying to move in time with her song. She somehow always ends up looking like that drunk divorced friend of your mom’s who wants to hang with the younger crowd. And that’s fine. Who says a multi-platinum star needs to be able to dance? Not all girls can dance!

The point is that this video avoids subjecting us to Taylor and her flailing tendencies pretty well. Instead the directors were like, “Just keep moving, Taylor! Don’t stop moving! You’re in a bedroom on a window sill, and now you’re standing, now you’re in a '50s kitchen with a sweater-wall, oh look now you’re in a house party, and quickly onto a sylvan path under some branches, still in the sylvan path— let’s get a bed in there that she can lean against people, GET ME A LEANING BED! And now back to the house party, still in the dance party, uh oh she’s dancing, PEOPLE SHE’S DANCING!! Hey, Tay, did I hear someone at the door? Go to the door Taylor, who’s there? Oh your ex-boyfriend. Seems like a good time to go back to the window sill, whaddya say?”

All in all, Taylor, good work. I look forward to you not dancing to this song for years to come.

(Photo: WENN.com)