Taylor Swift’s New ELLE Interview Makes Me Think She’s Never Listened To Her Own Music

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Taylor Swift March Cover Elle

Taylor Swift is on the cover of the March 2013 issue of ELLE magazine, and she's giving readers the chance to perfect their Scooby Doo impressions as their ears perk up upon noticing the contrast between what Taylor Swift says and what she has been doing in real life for years. Especially what her songs imply she does. It only leads me to the conclusion that Taylor Swift has never heard her own music. Either that or she is suffering from some kind of amnesia, and she thinks she's British.

Let's go through her strange, delusional quotes one by one, shall we?

“I don’t think I’ve ever yelled at an ex-boyfriend.  Ever.  I’m not a yeller.  I’m not a fit thrower.  If something is done, it’s done.”

Taylor is absolutely right, you guys, she doesn't yell at her ex-boyfriends, per se. She just sings at them. Actually talking to the person you're mad at is so last year. Don't you know anything? And apparently when things are “done,” that means you still have to write a song about it and perform it for the rest of your life. See? Done. Side note: Is saying “ever” twice Taylor's favorite form of sentence construction?

“To me it’s just writing songs the way I always have.  It’s me sitting on my bed feeling pain I didn’t understand, writing a song, and understanding it better. If people want to dissect the lyrics, that’s their right, but it’s all coming from the exact same place as where I started.  It’s just something I do to feel better.”

Exactly, everybody. She's just a girl sitting on her bed pouring her heart out into a song… that millions of people will then listen to and give her money for writing. And then she will inevitably act surprised and offended when the people she wrote about have a problem with her writing about them. It's the difference between writing a letter for catharsis and actually sending the letter to the person you're upset at. When I'm upset at Progresso for not stocking my favorite soup at my local supermarket and I write a complaint email and accidentally send it, I'm not surprised when they reply and want to work things out. Hypothetically. And as far as dissecting the lyrics? When you break up with a guy after a few weeks and then tweet that you're back in the studio, everyone knows you're writing a song about him, so it's pointless to pretend you don't want people to try to figure out who the songs are about.

Just more daily proof that Taylor Swift has never actually met Taylor Swift.

(Photo: ELLE)