They’re Never Ever Getting Back Together – And Taylor Swift Is Never Ever Growing Up

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Taylor Swift wants her ex to know that they are never, ever, ever getting back together.

Never. Ever. Well, at least not until it’s time for her to pen a new tune about yet another failed relationship. Maybe then she’ll give this dude another chance – you never know what new twist on her love story she’ll come up with next. Doesn’t this all sound a bit familiar?

That pretty much sums up my thoughts on T-Swift’s new single, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.” What a brilliantly poignant, poetic title, right? When I first read the name of the song on Twitter, I was sure it was someone’s joke. I would almost say she is parodying herself, but I doubt we could give her that much credit. Of course she’s going to write about a breakup, because what else is the girl going to do? But at least give us some nuance. Nope. These lyrics have no more artistry than a text message, or a note stuffed into a seventh-grader’s locker.

I remember when we broke up the first time
Seeing this is it, I’ve had enough, ’cause like
We haven’t seen each other in a month
When you, said you, needed space, what?
Then you come around again and say
Baby, I miss you and I swear I’m gonna change
Trust me, remember how that lasted for a day
I say, I hate you, we break up, you call me, I love you

Speaking of exes and texts, isn’t that how Jake Gyllenhaal supposedly ended his brief tryst with our perpetually heartsick heroine? That makes me wonder: Who’s the lucky – or not so lucky – guy to be so prominently featured on a single this time around? Tay has left us guessing on that one. Is it Jake? She was said to have been penning a ditty about that blue-eyed beauty who broke her heart. Taylor Lautner? We’ve already heard her “Back to December” ballad for Mr. Lautner, and he’s totally old news by now.

But does it really matter who it’s about? Taylor’s basically been churning out the same song again and again, with a blank space for insert ex-boyfriend here and a new hairstyle and wispy dress for the next music video. She’s mentioned in recent interviews that we can expect something different from her new album, Red, dropping Oct. 22, but so far it sounds like more of the same. I used to think that we were forever and We are never getting back together – lyrics straight out of the new single – sound a lot like the words to “Picture to Burn,” without the fun pyromaniac imagery.

It’s not that there’s anything wrong with writing about relationships. I’d say somewhere around 90 percent of the music industry makes its profits off the idea of finding love, making love or losing love. But Taylor’s coming up on the ripe old age of 23, and despite her numerous alleged experiences with love, she exudes the emotional maturity of an angsty 14-year-old. Believe me – I was that angsty teen, and I know what it’s like. Some commentators look at her discography and ask why she has such bad luck in relationships, but I listen to her lyrics and wonder when she’s going to stop being such a drama queen.

Is T-Swift ever going to grow up? Perhaps we could ask her to take on some new life experiences, since so far she hasn’t learned how to write about anything except her own love life. Maybe she could shed her precious virginity, have a drunken one-night stand, stay up past her bedtime, or at least try to do something fun and interesting.

Then again, Tay’s childish persona is part of her appeal. And we wouldn’t want her to go off the deep end. It wouldn’t hurt her to be more of a Katy Perry or a Kelly Clarkson, but we don’t want to risk her ending up a Lindsay Lohan or B. Spears. Taylor’s quaint innocence reminds me of my younger self – a time now far in the past when I still believed that fairytale-princess true love could exist. You have to give the gal props for that, at least. As much as she’s been burned by love, she still seems to be holding out hope for her happy ending. And I wouldn’t want to take that away from her.

(Photo: Taylor Swift)