The Only Thing More Offensive Than Taylor Swift And Lorde Wearing Matching Outfits Is The Fact They’re Friends

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You know that thing where you know you're overreacting, but you're into way too deep to back out? That thing is Taylor Swift for me. Even though she's never done anything personally to me, I take everything she does extremely personally. In fact, I'd rank her up there with the girl in 8th grade who told me I had a unibrow and a lisp as people get talked about the most in my therapy sessions. I'm telling you all this not because it's news, but because it will explain to you why I'm about to discuss her friendship with Lorde like it's a sign that end times are near.

So with all that in mind, you should know that Taylor Swift and Lorde's budding friendship's killing me. Just completely destroying my soul. Even my Horcruxes are shaken. Including the one that's hidden inside Alec Baldwin's brain (sandwiched right between his ego and his other ego). Even though I know Lorde said she didn't mean that whole “Taylor Swift is bad role model for girls” thing, I wanted her to mean it. Mostly because it's something that I strongly think and the thought of Lorde and I thinking the same thing at the same time really increased the odds that we can switch bodies Freaky-Friday style. But also because it was so refreshing to hear someone famous call her out on her anti-feminist-woe-is-me schtick.

But alas, they both moved beyond their five minute feud and went full steam ahead into a best friendship. Because scientifically speaking, Taylor Swift can only handle two kids of people in her life: mortal enemies and best friends forever. And that best friendship explains why the two ended up going spending the weekend together wearing matching outfits — on their shopping spree and on their beach trip. Sure they're outfits aren't totally matching. But we all know that Taylor Swift's the clean ‘n preppy Ashley Olsen and that Lorde's the rough ‘n tumble Mary-Kate Olsen. And that Hailee Steinfeld just got demoted to the Elizabeth Olsen of the group. Sorry girl, Taylor Swift only has room for one underage BFF at a time.