In Case Her Tongue Wasn’t Clear Enough, We Now Know Taylor Swift Is Not A Belieber

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Taylor Swift Billboard Music Awards press room May 2013

So we might have a new celebrity feud on our hands, my friends. Word on the street (and by “word” I mean a quote from an anonymous source, and by “street” I mean the Internet) is that Taylor Swift hates Justin Bieber's guts and thinks he has cooties. Okay, so I might have embellished that a little bit. But she's so totally not cool with him, and it's all because her BFF Selena Gomez is back on (right?) with the saggy-pantsed monkey-abandoner. Someone close to both Selena and Taylor told Radar Online that “Taylor is not a Belieber.”

This was already pretty clear from the way Taylor's tongue exited her mouth upon spotting Jelena's smooch at the Billboard Music Awards this past weekend. But I don't trust tongues unless they're being used by unnamed sources to spill details, so I'm glad we finally have this confirmation.

And it's like, why can't Selena just listen to Taylor and kick that kid to the curb? Has she learned nothing from Mean Girls? In the immortal words of Gretchen Wieners, “You may think you like someone, but you could be wrong.”

But of course there has to be a secret reason Taylor hates this relationship. And what is the number one reason for any bad blood ever anywhere, but especially among youngsters? That's right. Taylor Swift is just jealous. What could Taylor possibly be jealous of? Is she jealous that Selena gets to look at all those tattoos whenever she wants? (To be fair, though, most people can, since he never wears a shirt.) Is she jealous that Justin can totally rock that one-sleeve look but she's too afraid to try? Nope.

“Taylor is jealous that Selena still has Justin as ‘her person’ to go to, but she’s not jealous of who Selena’s on and off with,” the source said.

So Taylor just wants an on-and-off relationship of her own. And isn't that what all us girls want out of life? We grow up playing wedding with stuffed animals as the guests, but ultimately we just want our own tattooed indoor-sunglasses-wearer to get together with every once in a while and consequently confuse the general public. It's every little girl's dream.

The source's parting words: “She thinks Justin is a brat and that Selena could do way better.” I think Jesus Christ would disagree, since he thinks Justin is doing a pretty good job for 19.

(Photo: Judy Eddy/WENN.com)