Taylor Swift Wore The Sexiest Doily You’ve Ever Seen To A Golden Globes After Party

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Taylor Swift wearing a black crochet lace dress at a Golden Globes after party January 2014

Taylor Swift may not have won any awards at the Golden Globes last night, but goddamnit if she didn't pull out all the stops with her costume change into the world's sexiest doily. Which as it turns out (somewhat unsurprisingly), is actually not that sexy after all.

She wore that hot pink and black Carolina Herrera strapless gown to the ceremony itself as I'm sure you remember, but obvi realized she couldn't dance in it at any of the after parties, so thank goodness she brought a spare. For a second I thought she'd be limited to just swaying back and forth with her hands in the air, and that simply WOULD NOT DO. When Taylor Swift comes to a party, she comes to dance, you guys, and she brings a whole menagerie of BFFs to help her accomplish that goal.

And my goodness comrades, did you see her second look of the night? You might not have, because it wasn't featured in a three-hour broadcast the way her first one was. And in case your eyes weren't able to absorb it when they passed over the photo at the top of this page, I'll describe it to you. Just imagine like…the sexiest doily you've ever seen. Like maybe your grandma crocheted it while she was reading Fifty Shades Of Grey or something. SO SEXY.

Well that's what Taylor wore to the after parties. A long-sleeved, vaguely sexual doily designed for showing off knick knacks. (I don't know what I mean by that.) But while we know the designer of her dress from earlier in the evening, there's been no information yet as to who made this lacy bad boy. Which I'm assuming means that Hailee Steinfeld has been slaving over it for months now. In fact, that's probably why she wasn't at the Globes — she was still putting on the finishing touches.

(Photo: Jason Merritt / Getty Images Entertainment)