Ed Sheeran Confirms That There’s A Middle-Aged Lady Trapped Inside Taylor Swift
While we've know for approximately forever that Taylor Swift behaves like a hip grandmother with a killer body, we've never quite known why. That is, until now. In an interview with Time, her we-are-just-friends-tee-hee-hee boyfriend Ed Sheeran opens up and shares her scandalous secret. And ooooo boy, lemme tell you, you're going to be shocked. Okay, not shocked — more like relieved that you finally could put your finger on what made her so different.
“I know she’s 24 but she’s a sort of middle-aged woman trapped in a 24-year-old’s body. She hangs out with her cat and sews things.”
Crazy, right! Here you were this whole time thinking that there was a Michael's craft store scrapbookin' class trapped in her body when it was really a middle-aged lady! This still doesn't explain why she bleeds glitter, pees doilies and farts out crocheted throw pillows, but it gets us closer to understanding why Taylor Swift is Taylor Swift. Also why she dances like your mom at award shows.
The question now is do we let the middle-aged lady out and if so, what do we do with her? Keep her? Free her? Stuff her inside of Miley Cyrus and see what happens? Feed her to Meredith and Olivia Benson? Name her something old-timey like Edith of Rhode Island and make fun of her when she says middle-aged things like Tweeter? It's a big question with no clear answer. So I suppose for the time being, we can just keep her trapped up in there and let her and Taylor go on their merry sewing, crocheting cat-collecting way. After all, I don't even know how Edith of Rhode Island got stuck in there, let alone how to get her out.