Where We Predict The Chorus To Taylor Swift’s Song About Her Parent’s Divorce

By  | 

In devastating news for people who believe in the sanctity of marriage, Taylor Swift's parents are divorced. As if that poor tragic wisp of a fairy tale princess needed one more heartbreak in her life. Wasn't John Mayer enough universe?! Did you have to take her married parents too? If there's ever been a reason to curl up under my desk and sing 1940s love ballads to myself, this is it.

But I won't do that to you. Not when I have songwriting to predict. Yes, reports are already coming in that Taylor will transform this painful experience into beautiful music. Music so beautiful that all parents might get divorced. While we can't say that the lyrics below are 100% accurate, we can say the general gist will be the same.

Let me set the scene for you. The stage is all dark except for one lone rocking chair that sits in the spotlight. A tattered teddy bear sits on it. Then a beautiful young woman comes out onto the stage wearing a white dress made from dollar store doilies and elf-spun yarn. Her hair's in pig-tailed braids and her heart is in knots. And, gasp, it's TAYLOR SWIFT!

She sits down in the rocking chair and starts singing. No, that's not a guitar you hear. Those are her heartstrings being pulled tighter and tighter.

Dear Daddy, I miss you

Dear Divorce lawyer, why did you

Dear Mommy, I also miss you. 

Dear Divorce lawyer, why did you

Dear Stepmommy, who are you

Dear Divorce lawyer, why did you

Seriously Dad, she's closer to my age that yours

Dear Divorce lawyer, why did you

And her boobs aren't real and I'll never call her mom and I hate you for leaving and I think you're the worst parent alive. And I won't help your disgusting girlfriend break into show show business! She's the trashy as hell and I hope you're happy. Oh also, her roots are showing.

Dear Daddy, I miss you tonighhhhhtttt

Cue clapping. Tears from Taylor. Tears from the audience. Tears for sale in the lobby!

(Photo: YNF/WENN.com)