A Guy Says: Taylor Swift Crashes Wedding to Sell Her Forthcoming Album

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Taylor Swift had a brilliant week.  According to Billboard, as of Tuesday Taylor had sold 623,000 digital copies of her new song We Are Never Getting Back Together.  That number broke the previous one-week single sales total by almost 200,000.

And, over the weekend, Taylor supposedly crashed a wedding near Boston with Conor Kennedy, the 18-year-old she was babysitting.  What’s that?  Oh, of course, the 18-year-old she’s dating I meant to say.

While Taylor is saying she was invited to the wedding, the mother of the bride, Vicki Kennedy, is claiming that Taylor stole the spotlight from the bride and basically ruined the affair.

You would think Taylor would be more sensitive about interrupting one of the most important moments of someone’s life, instead it sounds like Taylor Swift Kanye Wested this wedding.  I heard she interrupted the vows to announce, “I’mma let you finish with these nuptials, but Beyonce had one of the best weddings of all time,” which was a weird thing to say considering Beyonce wasn’t there.

Nevertheless, I know what Taylor was really up to when she crashed the wedding.  This was clearly a promotional tool for her upcoming album, Red, which is being released Oct. 22, 2012.

With digital sales for music in the toilet, Taylor is obviously planning to ruin a bunch of personal events for people she doesn’t know to get more publicity, thereby increasing sales of her record.

I think this is an innovative way of promoting an album.  Artists have taken drastic steps to promote albums before, but never has an artist been so disruptive, which has to be exciting for fans of her music.

Won’t it be fun for her fans to be able to say things like, “Remember when her single stayed at number one for the eighth straight week because she destroyed the shockingly beautiful and sad moment-of-silence we had while we laid our father down into his grave.  What a great moment to be a fan!”

So, here as some headlines and quotes I’m exited to see throughout the lead up to her album’s release, which is 59 days away.

Taylor Swift Crashes First Game of NFL Season, Gets Crushed By Entire Defensive Line “‘When she came onto the field with a guitar and started singing her single “We’re Never Getting Back Together” in the middle of a pass play during the first quarter I thought she’s probably selling 200,000 albums right there’, said Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, ‘but when our defensive line confused her for Peyton Manning and they all tackled her at the same time I thought how’d that happened that skinny girl doesn’t look like Peyton Manning at all.  Also, she might not be alive.’”

Taylor Swift Interrupts Conception, Finds Out What Sex Looks Like  “‘I was out promoting my album in a tiny motel in Albuquerque and I stumbled into this stinky room where I saw these two people.  They we’re in the bed moving weirdly, and at first I was like, ‘What is that fleshy looking stick thing doing being poked into that small hole that appears to be stuck to that woman,’ and then I was like, ‘Oh my God, that stick must be attached to that man and that hole must be part of that woman.”  And then, I was like, ‘This must be what sex is!’”

I think that last one would be an especially brilliant PR move.  But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe she did just crash a wedding she wasn’t invited to with no other motives other than to have a good time.  So what? It doesn’t really matter because she has great a chance to redeem herself.

My sister is getting married next October and that’s a wedding Taylor Swift has an invitation to because I’m extending one to her right now.  That will be good timing because that’s when I’m planning to release my debut collection of humor columns.