Taylor Swift And Conor Kennedy Broke Up A Month Ago, Hope She Kept The Receipt For Her Hyannis House

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Apparently Taylor Swift and Conor Kennedy just couldn't bridge the age gap and make their incredibly realistic relationship work. Despite the fact that Taylor Swift publicly hit on Ethel Kennedy several times in interviews and despite the fact that Taylor helped Conor make flashcards for his high school midterms, a friend told Us Weekly they parted ways a month ago.

Yes, a month ago. Here we all were, sitting around, picturing the two of them picking apples, wearing matching flannel pajamas and watching Nick at Nite — and they weren't even together. Ugh. Life is so cruel sometimes.

What will I do with all my pop-star-boarding-school fan fiction now? Who can I make all my high school jokes about now that they're over? Are there any other school-age Kennedy heirs Taylor can date that will be more flexible about her work schedule?

This is just very frustrating for me. You have no idea how many prom jokes I already wrote. (17)

While I'm kinda surprised Taylor Swift hasn't mentioned this break-up in any of her 40 billion press interviews for “Red” this week, we can all rest assured that we'll learn all the sordid details in her upcoming song, “Cape Cod is an American Horror Story, This Song Is About No One in Particular.”

Isn't it so fabulous that we not only let Taylor Swift use us as her therapist, but also that we pay her to do it.

I wished all therapy worked that way!

(Photo: Hall/Pena, PacificCoastNews.com)