Suri Cruise’s Christmas List Reveals She’s Taken Katie Holmes Hostage

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veruca salt dont care how i want it nowOur most favorite Scientology escapee, Katie Holmes, went on The Ellen Show recently to talk about Dawson's Creek. Or so I assume. If there's something else she's promoting, I couldn't possibly guess what is. Well, besides the long awaited showdown with Mandy Moore about the fact they both made the same movie about a first daughter going wild. But I'm starting to think that will never happen! #Bummer #YaKnow

Naturally the conversation got around to Suri Cruise, her daughter and her boss. (Also the human being who slapped her awake for fun last year.) The conversation started with Katie attempting to tell an adorable anecdote about her daughter, but it quickly turned into a revealing tale about their relationship. You see, Suri Cruise is currently working on her Christmas list to Santa. Cute, right? Wait. Katie doesn't tell us a funny item Suri asked for or tell us a story about Suri wondering how reindeers fly. Instead she tells us that Santa better get things right or else. And we all know who “Santa” is in this situation.

After not so subtly revealing that she's Suri's prisoner, she then goes on to act like it's completely normal that Suri put a puppy on her wish list. I love how Ellen was prepping for a “kids say the darndest things” type moment and was all, “a puppy, crazy kid! How about a barbie or a slinky or a balled-up piece of newspaper she can bat around.” And Katie was like, “yes a puppy, that's a rational and reasonable gift for a child. I said no to the man servant however, but only because the store ran out of the style she wanted. The Mercedes is on its way, I just hope they did the patent pink leather seats like she requested, otherwise there will be hell to pay. Oh I sure do hate it when I get banished to the basement.”

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