Suri Cruise Enrolled In A Catholic School, Presumably So She Can Learn How To Be Lady Gaga

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The transition is almost complete. Not only has Suri Cruise been removed from the evil clutches of the Church of Scientology, but she's now been enrolled in Catholic school by mom Katie Holmes. And not just any Catholic school. A famous one. It's called Convent of the Sacred Heart, and it's suuuuper exclusive and fancy, so I'm sure you've heard of it. It's in Manhattan and guess how much it costs to go there for one year? $38,000! That seems reasonable…if you're high on crack. That's only slightly less than I make in a year, and I'm a contributing member of the middle class with two jobs. People have nice cars that cost less than that…right? I'd assume, but I don't actually know. I'm too poor to buy a car or Google how much one costs. And how much expensive knowledge can you really cram in a 6-year old brain? All I can say is, she better be able to name every single crayon color by the end of her first year.

Suri had previously been homeschooled, so as to keep her precious head safe from the thoughts and schemes of non-Scientologists, but now she'll join the ranks of such famous alumnae as Lady Gaga, Jordana Brewster, Paris Hilton, Caroline Kennedy, and the late Gloria Morgan Vanderbilt. That's quite the list of famous fancy-babies. Aren't you so totally impressed? I am. I'm also impressed by the fact that Katie is paying $12,500 a month for the New York apartment where she and Suri are currently living. A month. Meaning $150,000 a year. Commence jaw-dropping.

Actually, when you think about it, that's not so bad. As long as she and Suri never eat, buy things, spend money, or pay taxes, they'll have an annual budget of…$188,000. Not too shabby for an unemployed single mom.

I gotta tell you, I may not be rich and/or famous, but I am feeling preeeeeetty good about my budgeting skills right now. Which reminds me, I have a bunch of half-burned candles that I want to melt down and combine so I'll be ready to warm my apartment on those cold winter's nights! Brrrrr!

(Image: Stefan Jeremiah / WENN.com)