A Paparazzo Called Suri Cruise A Brat, Which Is Fine Because She’s Seven Years Old

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Suri Cruise and Katie Holmes at the Central Park Zoo July 2012Thank god someone is finally taking on the real problems of this country, y'know? For too long, seven-year olds like Suri Cruise have been able to walk around acting like seven-year olds, and the paparazzi of the world have been forced to walk around acting like adults. It's not fair, and it's time someone put a stop to it.

So imagine my delight when I woke up this morning and saw that someone was finally standing up in the face of injustice and hurling some not at all unnecessary and inappropriate abuse at a tiny human in our midst. When Suri and her mom Katie Holmes were heading to their car through a group of fans and paparazzi recently, Suri didn't feel like people were moving out of the way quickly enough, so she vocalized that concern in perhaps not the most polite way. Which is COMPLETELY INSANE for a girl of seven, I know. I know I know I know, and I feel like you won't even believe me if I tell you, so I'll let you watch the video for yourself. Suffice to say, at the moment when he calls her a brat, you're gonna be up and out of your chair cheering like you were after President Bill Pullman‘s speech in Independence Day. It's that inspirational, and totally not a dick move at all even a little bit.

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See? Did you see that? … it's not like she's a child or anything. I know the laws of the United States of America, and I know that a seven-year old is a full-grown adult. They get to vote, they can fight in wars, they can rent cars, and they should certainly be held responsible for getting a little sassy at a fellow adult when their lives are constantly invaded by strangers with cameras. It's not like she has a parent to teach her right from wrong or anything. That ship sailed long ago.

But you know what I mean? It's like, if you want to be considered old enough to be elected president in this country, and you like being able to go to strip clubs and smoke your cigarettes, SURI CRUISE, then you have to be ready for the kind of verbal wordplay that's gonna come flying at you in the form of words like ‘brat'. It's a checks and balances situation, y'know?

No but seriously this is ridiculous, how are there no laws prohibiting photographers from getting too close to celebrity kids? Someone has to protect those innocent photographers from the money-grubbing children forcing the paparazzi to take their pictures or one day someone's gonna get a face full of gogurt from Violet Affleck, that monster. Where does it end?

(Image: Stefan Jeremiah / WENN.com)