The Story Of Nick Offerman Proposing To Megan Mullally Just Made Me So Jealous

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Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally at a screening for The Kings of Summer May 2013I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that there isn't a single marriage in Hollywood that makes me more jealous than Nick Offerman and Megan Mullaly‘s. It's so amazing that even if I had a time machine, I wouldn't go back and creepily stalk them in it, because it's perfect as it is and I'd be too worried about ruining something. You know things are serious when I'm making mental adjustments to a narrative that is literally impossible.

Nick and Megan were already on our radar as one of the most underrated celebrity couples out there, but hearing the two of them talk to Playboy about the way that Nick proposed just gave my heart a pleasant ache. Nothing bad, obviously, just a warm sort of hurt that's a combination of glad for them and sad for the rest of us that we'll never know such a deep, accepting love in our own lives. WE WON'T YOU GUYS. WE WILL DIE ALONE I SWEAR IT.

Before he proposed for real-real, Nick and Megan went on a trip to Paris together, and Nick bought three disposable rings to use for fake proposals. From what I understand, he would start to joke-propose, and then drop the rings off somewhere famous in France. He did it three times in succession — down a grate, from the top of the Eiffel Tower, and then off the Pont Neuf, the oldest standing bridge in Paris. I'm obsessed. And so was Megan:

“I thought it was hilarious. But the rings got progressively bigger, and for a moment I thought the last one might be real.

This is how I know that I can't marry Ryan Gosling like I dreamed, you guys. Because he'd never be clever or inventive enough to think up something this amazing. He's a dear, and we'd have a lot of fun (read: sex) together, but ultimately I need the sort of fellow who will drop a fake diamond onto the head of an unsuspecting tourist, y'know? Sorry Ry. Apologize to your abs for me, won't you?

Then in 2002, on another trip to Europe, Nick proposed for real, in London this time. The two of them stopped at the Queen Mary's Rose Garden in Regent's Park, and Nick says, “Until we got there, I was in a heightened sense of agitation,” something that Megan couldn't help but pick up on.

“I couldn’t figure out what was up with him. He was sucking and chewing on his mustache like crazy. I thought to myself, What is going on? He has never chewed on his mustache before!”

Mustache chewing! The clear sign of an agitated mate! And then Nick describes the proposal itself:

“We were heading down this path over a bridge by a Japanese garden, and all the ducks, insects and frogs were furiously copulating around us. I feel like when our coupling is at hand, nature responds with a very positive reverberation. And I was right; she said yes.”

It's such, like, a raunchy Disney movie moment — the couple walking into a forest, and instead of rushing to dress them or carry messages or something, all the woodland creatures around them just start hardcore giving it to each other.

Swoon. We should all be so lucky as to find a love like this. I'm not even kidding.

(Image: FayesVision / WENN.com)