Dear Sonja Morgan, It’s A Bad Sign When You’re The Messiest Of The New York Housewives

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You know you're in a dark place when you're the drunkest, trashiest cast member of The Real Housewives of New York City. It's extremely competitive, but this week that dubious honor goes to one Sonja Morgan. Sonja's always been a bit of a mess, but it's become particularly pronounced on this St. Barth's trip, as she's been shit-wasted every night and they've already been there for a week. I have a pretty high tolerance for reality TV messes, and even I find it hard to watch Sonja after a while, as she's so clearly depressed and acting out.

On this trip alone, she's had butt sex with LuAnn de Lesseps‘ sloppy seconds, skinny-dipped with Ramona Singer, had screaming fights with Aviva Drescher, and Heather Thomson has ‘seen her nipples and vagina so many times' that she feels like she should've started feeding them. She's even almost managed to offend the host of this whole sloppy trip, Carole Radziwill, which is extremely hard to do. And those are just on the nights that something dramatic happens. The other night's she's stumbling around, hitting on the men who are hired to cook and maintain the rental house. Ramona is more of a functioning alcoholic and, as LuAnn pointed out, can drink all day, but Sonja can't, and last night she was slurring, stumbling, and drying herself with a hair dryer as she attempted to stay coherent. This, of course, was after the two women bailed on the rest of the group, who were going to see Carole's boyfriend Russ perform.

It's weird how I almost didn't even notice how sloppy Sonja was until the other ladies pointed it out. The show is such a shitstorm anyway that it's hard to stand out as a mess, but Sonja is managing it.¬†Some real Sonja statements tonight include, “My mouth is money,” and “I have been around a long time, bitch. I am old.” And she's not lying. At this point in her life, she has a failed marriage to a much-older man, a house that's full of dying dogs and teenage interns, and she probably feels like her life is slipping away.

My advice? Pull it together pretty much pronto, or at least move to another Housewives