Entertainment

Snooki Names Her Baby Alliteratively, Preparing Him For Life Of Porn Stardom

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As Snooki has grown ever larger with child, it's been fun to try to guess what absurdly stupid thing she's going to name her child. Sir Pickles Honeybottom? Pickle-ina? Jiooki?

Well, the wait is over, and guess what? It's actually something pretty normal, albeit very obviously trying to broadcast Italian-ness: Lorenzo. Or rather, it seems normal until you look at what the baby's full name will be: Lorenzo LaValle.

Seriously, Snooks? Do you want your son to grow up to be an adult entertainer? Because I'm not sure what else he could be with a name like that. Most people take on porn names when they enter the business. Young Lorenzo will have to take on an assumed name if he wants to do anything else. What's the formula for creating your “accountant name”? He'll figure it out if he knows what's good for him.

I get it that you wanted something Italian, because you are on a secret mission to destroy the image of Italian-Americans in the eyes of the world forever. Fine. I can think of a million and one other names that are just as Italian but not as pornographic. Then again, reality TV names and porn names are not all that different. (One of many similarities.) So maybe you just want him to follow in your footsteps.

(Via USA Today)

Photo: WENN.com