Selena Gomez Has Such A Baby Face She Makes Getaway Look Like A Parody

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I think I may have lost my grip on pop culture, because when I was watching the new trailer for Getaway just now, I was all but convinced it was a parody movie. And it wasn't Ethan Hawke‘s growly Batman voice that did it or the old and tired convention of kidnapping someone that the main character loves to watch him leap into action! Completing tasks he hasn't attempted in years! Everything flooding back as he screeches the car around corners and navigates darkened city streets like a crash test dummy. And to think! All there was to suggest that he'd ever lived this life was a mysterious hand tattoo that I spotted as he palmed the wheel!

Anyway. Sorry. Where was I? I got distracted by the amalgam of pre-existing movie plots that were combined to create this movie plot. What I really meant to be talking about was Selena Gomez and her baby baby face. Because that is the true indicator that this movie is by no means intended to be taken seriously. I'm not kidding, you guys. When she first appeared onscreen and said that pivotal first line, “This car belongs to me,” I literally laughed out loud. Actually, it was more of a huffff of air, like, “You cannot seriously expect me to believe that that baby-faced cherub is old enough to have a driver's license.”

And then I heard that in a previous trailer they make it clear that Selena's character is actually a carjacker. GUYS A CARJACKER. Literally named The Kid. I get that Selena is trying to get her image nice and gritty as she transitions out of childhood, and that's why she did this project and why she did Spring Breakers, but maybe she should wear a mask or something? At least for a little while, until she grows out of ‘dem cheeks. Otherwise she'll be causing scoffs during this movie left and right.

Getaway is being released on August 30th, 2013.