Undeniable Proof That Twilight And Scandal Have The Same Plot
Chances are you're probably not very happy with all that's been going on with Scandal lately. I've been a little moody about a few things myself since this season's inception. For instance, Jake Ballard's being beaten to a bloody pulp (whilst managing to still look better than Fitz) or Fitz's relentless attempts to crush what little emotional esteem Melly has left. And then there's little Olivia, the centerpiece in it all, the angel that could not be touched or strangled or tortured because this is Twilight we're watching, and everyone knows that no mere mortal could ever get too close to our precious Bella, or it's off with their heads! Not even you, Shonda Rhimes.
No matter how hard she tries to convince us that Olivia's love for Fitz has nothing to do with his constant obsession with putting his hands down her pants, I'm still not buying it. So to call her bluff, here are a few spoilers that prove Twilight and Scandal are virtually the same thing:
1. The backwards cougar complex.
Fitz is hot in his own right, I'll give him that but when are we going to stop lying to ourselves about Fitz being the better choice for her? The age difference between he and the 35-year-old Olivia is pretty damn vomit-worthy if you ask me (so don't). Now try
stomaching explaining the fact that Fitz is only 15 years her senior yet pales in comparison to the 107-year-old Edward. Your esophagus burning still? Aww.
2. No matter how hawt they are, the Jakes and Jacobs of this world will never win, ever.
Jake Ballard, Jacob Black. Don't even get me started on the consistency in those “J.B” initials because they're obviously cursed (cue the Biebs). But seriously my fellow humans, if there's anything we've learned from Twilight and Scandal, it's that the old, pale lust-freaks will always reign supreme over the overtly sexy boy-next door-waiting-to-bang, no matter how many WTF bombs we drop. Just gotta deal.
3. Leading ladies being powerless against the peen.
This gets old, I know. But it's this sort of monkey wrench of a penis that ruins an episode of Scandal for me every time. Because whenever I think of Olivia or Abby as being more than “just women,” here come Fitz and David waiting to pin them to the headboards again because they're men. Edward is no stranger to pushing up against Bella any time he wants either. But each time it happens on the show I have you to blame, Shonda, for feeling guilty about having a peen at all.
4. The idea of over-protection always goes too far.
According to Edward, Bella was the most precious piece of spam meat on the market, and Fitz damn near died (a spectacle I'd like to have witnessed) while Olivia was away banging it up with Jake on a palm tree. Needless to say, the thirst is about as real as it gets. You fellas have got to cut this shit out, forealz. These women are both unearthly beautiful blessings to the world but I'm sure Olivia nor Bella will die from a paper cut. Well maybe Bella.