Entertainment

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: Ryan Lochte’s Ego Is Officially Out Of Control

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Good job America, we've really gone and done it now. We gave Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte an incredibly huge ego. And we know that once American heroes get egos, they get engaged to a Hemsworth and cut off all their hair. Or they cheat on their significant other with a no-name director. Or worse, they turn into Ryan Seacrest.

Not only does Ryan Lochte think he's an actor because he guest starred on the upcoming season of 90210, but he also think his signature phrase “jeah” deserves to be trademarked and merchandised. Sure he's fun to look at and sure he helped me to enjoy the Olympics more, but now he's gone too far.

Trademarking a catchphrase isn't innocent behavior. It's the first step on a long road of ghost-written memoirs, guest-hosting gigs on The View and a high profile relationship with an up-and-coming starlet. We're about to go on Ryan Lochte overload.

Before long that cute little face won't delight you. It will make you angry, irritable, frustrated and in 3% of cases, downright murderous. So we have to stop him now before it's too late. Do NOT, under any circumstances, purchase anything that has the word “Jeah” on it. Not only will making that purchase feed this little ego machine, but it will also be cliche and out-dated in just a few weeks.

If we put our minds together (and our wallets away) we can reverse the damage we've done. Like putting anti-wrinkle cream on a middle-aged face, we can make magic happen.

Let's win one for the team!

 

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