Now That Russell Brand Is Dating A Spice Girl, What Should His Nickname Be?

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Now That Russell Brand Is Dating A Spice Girl  What Should His Nickname Be  Spice Girls Geri Halliwell Russell Brand dating Olympics 640x853 jpgDid everybody except for me know that Russell Brand and Geri Halliwell are dating? Because it’s being reported a little too casually for my tastes. Where’s the glitz and glamour? This is Katy Perry‘s ex-husband and a Spice Girl that we’re talking about! We should be announcing this news with, like, a glow-in-the-dark light show with dancing lollipops spelling out their initials. Or, I mean, we could also just put it on the internet.

The two apparently met at the Olympics Closing Ceremony and have been doing a little whirlwind dating since then, as Russell has already been introduced to Geri’s 6-year old daughter, the ridiculously named Bluebell Madonna. I’m not saying I’m opposed to this relationship, just surprised that it exists. See, if you’re going to get into a relationship with a Spice Girl, there are certain rules and regulations that have to be followed. The most important of which is that I have to be informed so that I can give the guy a Spice Girls-themed nickname that provides me with private amusement. Anyone who’s ever been romantically linked to a Spice Girl has one. David Beckham‘s marriage to Posh has bestowed upon him the nickname ‘Soccer Spice’. Because of his relationship with Scary, Eddie Murphy was ‘Klumpy Spice’. And then none of the other girls was with anyone famous enough for me to have heard of them, so those were the only nicknames I found it necessary to come up with.

…until now. Russell Brand is definitely famous enough to get a Spice-y nickname, so the only question is, what shall it be? Druggy Spice? No, because he’s reformed. Perry Spice? No, he’s not married to her anymore. Ooh, I’ve got it! Horny Spice! It’s the perfect combination of his past and his future. He’s no longer a true sex addict, but he still gets more than his fair share of popstar poonani, so I’d say it’s accurate.

Awesome, great. That’s taken care of. Now I can turn my attention back to curing cancer.

(Image: WENN.com)