Can Everyone Stop Acting Like Kristen Stewart Murdered Robert Pattinson’s Mother While Participating In An Orgy With Rupert Sanders And Satan?

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I somewhat understand that not everyone's jumped on the “Kristen Stewart Cheating On Robert Pattinson Is All A Giant Publicity Stunt” bandwagon, but I cannot figure out why people are acting like Kristen Stewart made him watch her and Rupert Sanders reenact Fifty Shades of Grey at gunpoint while Twilight played in the background.

If, and I've never meant an if more in my life, but if this isn't a stunt, it's still not a huge deal. As far as we know, they only kissed. And judging by their incredibly awkward cuddling poses, there's no sexual chemistry between Kristen and Rupert. Which means this is all boils down to a “girlfriend” kissing some other dude in the moment. In the grand scheme of a relationship that's all like, “but he's the love of my life,” this shouldn't be a deal breaker. Yes, she cheated. But checkout AshleyMadison.com, she's not the first woman to do it — nor will she be the last.

I'm not condoing what she did, but I'm also not celebrating Robert Pattinson as a bravo hero, like Hollywood Life. In an article titled, “Robert Pattinson: You’re Brave To Do ‘Cosmopolis’ Promotion After Cheating Scandal,” they write:

By appearing on the red carpet so soon after Kristen cheated on him and admitted it to the world, Rob is showing his fans just how strong he really is! Not only is Rob committing to work for Cosmopolis, but he’s also set to appear during Breaking Dawn — Part 2 promotion as well!

I'm sorry, that's not being strong. It's called showing up to your job. If I didn't come to work on the day a huge project was due because my boyfriend cheated on me, I wouldn't have a job. As far as I can tell, he doesn't have a choice. He's the star of Cosmopolis. 

The pity parade continues in another article advising Robert not to listen to Reese Witherspoon's relationship advice.

Rob – I think you need all the support you get right now as you struggle to heal your broken heart and try to understand why Kristen cheated but… Rob – here is the big but. Just because Reese had her heart broken by her first husband Ryan Phillippe and she decided to end their marriage, doesn’t mean that the situation is exactly the same.

Once again, “all the support you can get right now, ” reeks of murder and other unspeakable tragedies. Let's put this in perspective to every other major life event and remember no one died. Yes, it sucks. Getting cheated on sucks. But it's not the end of the world. Not even close to the end of the world.

So if everyone could stop acting like Kristen Stewart aborted his soul during this ill-fated affair, it would be great.