Robert Pattinson’s New Haircut Looks More Like Something You’d Find On A Vagina

By  | 
Robert Pattinson s New Haircut Looks More Like Something You d Find On A Vagina Robert Pattinson confused thinking face GIF gif

My thoughts exactly, buddy.

I want to talk to you guys about a haircut that Robert Pattinson got, but I don’t have the vocabulary for all the complete nonsense that’s going on, so you’ll need to bear with me.

We’re all human beings who live in the world, so we’ve probably seen our share of haircuts, but I can almost guarantee that you’ve never seen anything like what R-Pattz has going on. At least not on a head. Maybe you’ve seen it on a vagina or the face of one Adolf Hitler, but that’s pretty much it. What we have going on here can only really be described as a landing strip.

And let me just say, I know what’s happening in your brain right now; you’re trying to visualize this and it’s not working, you’re confused. You’re trying to picture how there could possibly be something resembling a Hitler mustache or a well-trimmed pubis mondis on the back of someone’s head, and that’s perfectly valid. I told you I wasn’t gonna be good at describing this, so let’s just take a look at it together, this photo of Robert at the 7th Annual GO GO Gala at the Montage in Beverly Hills. You might want to grab a tasty beverage, because we’re gonna be here puzzling over this for a while.

There it is, folks — the future of manscaping! Party in the front, Brazilian in the back. You know how we do. But honestly, what was this guy thinking? In the office, we’re imagining that he lost some kind of hair bet with his girlfriend FKA twigs, or that he blacked out at a waxing parlor, but the terrifying bottom line that we’re all coming to is that this was probably intentional. Maybe he’s taking a page out of Kristen Stewart‘s book and trying to be relevant again, or maybe he just woke up one day and was like YES PLEASE I’D LIKE A BOWLCUT AND A RECTANGLE PLEASE, THANK YOU SIR I LOVE IT, KEEP THE CHANGE.

What a world, y’know? What a world.