Leonardo DiCaprio Wants To Paint The Heartbroken Rob Pattinson Naked, Allegedly

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Everyone who's anyone wants to know all the deets about the alleged bromance blossoming between Leonardo DiCaprio and Rob Pattinson. Did you think I meant to type Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson? WRONG. Forget K.Stew for one second and your fantasy that the two are having hot make-up sex as we speak.

Because that's not happening.  Not when our boy Rob's busy packing for a trip to a secret party in Puerto Rico with Leonardo DiCaprio. A secret party that may or may not be all made up. Who knows anything anymore!? (Spoiler alert: not me!)

While I assumed that Leonardo DiCaprio would be all “who is Robert Pattinson?” he's actually been all like, “come to my secret party in Puerto Rico with me and party away your woes!” According to Sugarscape, Leo's kept an eye on young Rob ever since the days that people starting comparing the two actors.  I guess now he wants to actually meet the guy who people say could, maybe be the next Leonardo DiCaprio. (When did this happen? Did Rob paint Kristen Stewart like one of his French girls at some point in Twilight?)

And I totally understand that. If someone out there kept being compared to the next Jenni Maier, I'd also want to meet them — and ask them how they tame their hair on humid days. It's quite the challenge for me.

So Leo's down there in Puerto Rico now, playing producer and finishing up his film Runner, Runner (a movie we guess is about a runner who repeats every thing he says twice). And like all men with a healthy dose of testerone, he wants to throw his wrap party at a secret destination with a disgraced male celebrity as his guest star.

The theme of the party will likely be Robert Pattinson, Robert Pattinson and Leo will make at least one toast that he's running, running from his problems, problems.

Where will Kristen Stewart be while Leo shows R.Patz how to have sexual relations with a supermodel? Hopefully at a therapist's office, because according to the story-maker-uppers at Hollywood Life, she's nearing a mental breakdown. A breakdown complete with sleepless nights,  tear-soaked pillows and the ghost of Jodie Foster's essay about her.

And that concludes my update on Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Stay tuned, because I'll probably have more information based on rumors and hearsay in the next hour. Maybe the next half-hour if one of the two actors decides to show up again in L.A.

(Photo: Joseph Marzullo/WENN.com)