Let’s Pour Some Out For Rob Kardashian’s Admittedly Tiny Penis

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Rob Kardashian having dinner in London April 2013I just want everyone to note that I hit the trifecta today — a post about three different members of the Kardashian family. I started with Kim griping about her pregnancy, moved on to Khloe getting fired from X Factor, and now my little internet Sherpas inform me that Rob Kardashian is out there somewhere talking about his weight and his peen. You know, normal Monday afternoon chatter. As you may recall, Rob has put on a ton of weight since his breakup from Rita Ora, a fact that's been well-documented by Keeping Up With The Kardashians, and also by my own eyeballs looking out of my head and seeing him. The kid is like fifty pounds heavier; it's almost impressive. But strangely, he's not that impressed with himself, telling Ryan Seacrest:

“Every time I hop in the shower and see myself naked I cry. My penis looks so small now.”

Oh man. Man oh man oh man. If there's one thing I've learned from associating with human males in this world, it's that they like to up-sell the size of their dicks. They know its size up to the quarter inch, and they don't mind rounding up. So if Rob is saying his penis is small, I'm inclined to believe it's really small. But Rob's on a weight loss plan now, working with a trainer every day at 8:00am, so he's not super worried about it:

“The upside is, every time you lose 10 pounds you gain an inch on your penis.”

That…is not a fact, Robert. I don't know who told you that, but it's not true. If it was, Kelly Osbourne would be hung like a racehorse. But good luck with your peen prob, brah. Let's pour some out for the homies who couldn't be here tonight, and I hope you find it soon. God bless.

(Image: Will Alexander / WENN.com)