Entertainment

Rihanna Says Her Cock Hurts From Dick Riding, Exposes Herself As PR Guru

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Another day, another completely vulgar Rihanna tweet that needs deciphering. And who better to decipher than the Official Crushable Dick Riding Team?! A team, I'll have you know, that would have competed in this year's Olympics if the global community would have just signed our petition making dick riding a legitimate sport.

So let's begin. A few hours ago Rihanna tweeted out the following message, “So much dick riding that my cock hurt!” with a photo asking fans to vote for her to win a VMA.

While at first, I thought maybe Rihanna was just sharing a little Sunday morning brunch gossip with us about her sex life, I'm now not so sure. Because not only did she throw in a casual reference to her injured cock, but she also used this as a campaign slogan for the VMAS. Which makes me feel old.

Is this what the kids are saying now? Is this a way of expressing affection for your fans? 1485 retweeted this and 736 people favorited it, so it has to mean something that I just don't get.

Or she's just combining two completely different messages in one tweet.

As a self-proclaimed social media expert, that's a bold move. So bold, that it might just work. It catches you off guard. And it gives bloggers something to talk about. Would I normally post a photo of Rihanna promoting her VMA run? No. Not when One Direction did something exciting, like wink at a fan and cause a stampede. But this, THIS kind of vulgarity from a female performer is GOLD. 100% Internet Gold.

We got cocks, we got dicks. We have women riding dicks with their cocks. It's a recipe for success.

In fact, I just got so excited thinking about it that I registered the site www.dickridingmakesmycockhurthomeremedies.com. It will be up and running by tomorrow. If you're interested in interning, please send me a 140 character resume telling me about your favorite dick riding experience.

In the meantime, I guess vote for Rihanna. She's our last great hope to get the Crushable Dick Riding Team into the 2016 Olympics.