Rihanna Forced To Get A New Tattoo Because No One Had Talked About Her In Several Hours

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Look at that bandage peeking out from underneath the midriff top that she just had to wear.

It had been mere hours since Chris Brown had kissed Rihanna at the VMAs, and already the chatter was dying down. The ploy for attention had worked for a moment, but after so much drama in that relationship, it seemed like the media was less susceptible to their ups and downs. Rihanna had to do something to earn back the attention before her core started destabilizing. (Oh, I should've mentioned — Rihanna is an extremely human-like android with a robotic core that runs on the attention and adoration of strangers. Or just attention, in case she can't get adoration.) She didn't have long before she started to deactivate, so she turned to one of her fail-safe attention-getting schemes: a new tattoo.

She already has at least sixteen as of March 2012, but getting tattoos is part of Rihanna's daily breakfast, so she's gotta keep it up. When combined with a regular regimen of showing your nipples on Instagram, speaking lovingly about your abusive ex-boyfriend, and occasionally releasing new music or videos, two in ten doctors recommend self-tattooing as a means of keeping the public's attention. We don't yet know what the tattoo is of, because anticipation is a major part of the unveiling, but she came out of the London tattoo parlor with a bandage on her ribcage, so it's safe to say it's somewhere in that region.

In other odd news, Rihanna's friend and personal assistant Melissa Forde accompanied her, and allowed herself to be blindfolded by the popstar while she instructed the tattoo artist and let him execute the design without her ever seeing it. She tweeted:

She was apparently happy with the art, which is on her hand and says ‘Capturing Moments', but holy shit that's a lot of trust. There's not a single person in my life who I would let blindfold me and make permanent marks on my body. That's partly based on the things that get written on my face if and when I fall asleep at parties, and partly based on the fact that if someone let me blindfold them and give them a tattoo, I really can't guarantee that it wouldn't be my face on a unicorn's body.

(Images: Craig Harris / WENN.com/Twitter)