So Far, Revenge Is Almost As Good As Last Season

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Last night's second episode of Revenge continued to teach me some important life lessons. I learned more about the importance of background checks, the value in choosing a good godmother, and was given some great advice on what to look for in a rehab facility. I am also so thankful that there's finally a show on television I can turn to for paternity test results that isn't Maury.

Clearly Season 2 of Revenge is going strong. It's just that, even with all the life lessons, the show has seemed to lose some of it's spark for me. Is it because Takeda's foreshadowing from the season premiere might be true? Could Emily be losing focus, and bringing the show down with her? I don't know, it's too early to tell. But I really hope not!

While I personally think last night's episode was a bit lackluster, the shocking revelations and dramatic confrontations came just as fast and hard as we're all used to. So, just in case you missed out on what's happening now in the Hamptons, here's a recap:

First on the revengenda for Ems is a one-two punch consisting of breaking Charlotte out of Dr. Doom's Sober House and breaking whatever bond remains between Daniel and Conrad. Easy peasy. All she has to do is give her ex a little ring and plant the idea in his head that Char's doc cares more about his dad's dollars than his sister's drug habit, which proves to be an easy sell. Daniel figures out that Conrad and the doctor are in cahoots, trying to prove Charlotte mentally unstable so that Conrad can get control of her inheritance. Daniel seems genuinely surprised by his father's disgusting behavior (because Conrad spent all of last season proving himself to be such a stand-up guy?) and goes to break Char out lock down. Like a good brother should.

Char manages to get out of the facility, but not thanks to her bro. While Daniel is in the middle of telling Charlotte the truth about her circumstance, which includes the fact that Conrad had already managed to get control of her money, Emily shows up all like, “Oh, is this a bad time?” It's not, since Char is pissed at Daniel and doesn't want to go anywhere with him but still needs a ride out of rehab because she's only 16.

Now, Emily has to figure out a way to get Charlotte away from Victoria, making this an excellent time to check in on the fruit of Fauxmanda's loins. Emily makes pit stop at the beach where Amanda is waiting to give her Charlotte the good news—“Look ‘sis,' I'm preggers!” Just as Emily expected, Charlotte is pretty excited about the prospect of being an aunt. When Ems and Char finally meet up with Mama Grayson, Charlotte tells her mom she'd rather stay in the Hamptons and play aunt than leave the country with her, making Fauxmanda's love child an important player while still in utero and really pissing V off.

Phase 3 of Em's plan is complete when Victoria responds like the loving mother she is by telling Char to go fuck herself, proving that her interest in Char was only a cover for her interest in Char's money. Charlotte really needs to learn that blood ties are only as strong as the bank account they're connected to. And we should have all learned by now that Victoria isn't the kind of person to accept her lack of cash flow without a fight.

And by fight I mean beating. It's clear that she's going to have to come out of hiding and reestablish herself as Queen of the Hamptons in order regain access to her back account. So she does the most logical thing, and reveals herself to Conrad ('cause he still thinks she's dead, remember?). Then she asks him to beat her up. Not because she likes getting hit in a 50 Shades Of Grey way, but because she plans on pinning the beating on the White Haired Man, simultaneously taking him down and covering up the truth behind her miraculous resurrection. The beating isn't as kinky as it could be, but it is a kind of brilliant plan.

And with that, Victoria rises. No one questions her being alive after she makes it seem like she was abducted by the White Haired Man before ever boarding that doomed plane, and she safely returns to Casa Grayson where she receives a lukewarm welcome from her family. She explains to Charlotte that  shunning her was all a part of her plan to return, while Conrad explains to Daniel that he only took control of Charlotte's money to pay a ransom on Victoria. Of course there was no ransom, but Daniel doesn't know that. (Harvard Business School really did wonders for him, huh?)

Backtracking just a little bit, that pesky question of paternity plaguing Jack? Yeah, that got answered last night. The Stowe Away's going to become a family joint, because it turns out Jack is the father. This leads me to believe that Fauxmanda's character is headed for lethal labor, because I can't imagine her being a permanent fixture on the show. Besides, Jack needs more of a reason to be messed up; his being so broken up over some girl he knew for a summer when he was like, 7 is getting kind of annoying. It would be way more valid if she actually died.

All in all, everyone seems to win in this episode except for the White Haired Man. The sinister geriatric pays a visit to Emily upon her return from the Grayson reunion to tell her that he never killed her mother like he was ordered to by the Victoria. This is because we needed more proof that in the green-screened world of the Hamptons, things aren't always what they seem, and confirmation that this season's new story line was most likely influenced by the children's book “Are You My Mother?” Of course, after the big reveal, he tries to kill her. Good thing this episode also marks the return of another student from Takeda's School of Revenge–Aiden (that guy who so annoyingly saved Ems from drowning 5 minutes into in the season premiere). This time he saves Emily's life by taking out the White Haired Man seconds before he slits her throat.


Oh yeah. And Nolan's getting audited. I really can't wait to see how that plot unfolds. It might be the most twisted story line yet.


(Photo: Abc.com)