Entertainment

Real Housewives Of Miami: Who Is Thomas Kramer?

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If you watched The Real Housewives of Miami last night, you are probably wondering one thing: who the hell is Thomas Kramer? Last night, he and Karent Sierra hosted a dinner party for all the Housewives. You know, for convenience — so they don't have to fight over the phone. It's a lot easier to film when they're all raging at each other over one table. Alexia Echevarria wasn't there, but everyone else was, and they were ready to go at it. They'd already gotten warmed up at Lisa Pliner's party, where Elaine Lancaster chased Marysol Patton through the halls to try to have a confrontation with her, and Joanna Krupa and Adriana De Moura kissed on the cheek as if they hadn't been in a cagematch brawl just days ago.

So we were going into this dinner party pretty hot, especially since the host was Karent, who got ganged up on at the last party, to the point that Ana Quincoces actually said that every piece of this season's drama was in some way traceable back to her. SO. Lights up on a party! It's a Thomas Kramer's house, and since I don't know anything about him yet, I'll tell you my first impression, which was that he was a kindly old gay man with a lot of money and a sharp tongue.

The gay part was apparently my first incorrect assumption, and the kindly part was my second. Elsa Patton speculated that Karent and Thomas are sleeping together, or if they're not, she wants to be. For his part, Thomas spent the whole day cooking, and that was where his contributions as a good host came to an end. This is a man who keeps a bell near his plate at dinner, and had no qualms last night about shaking it in Ana's face when she wouldn't be quiet right away. This is a man who was insulting Romain, who is the fiance of someone who's a guest in his home. And of course, that guest happens to be Joanna, so you're lucky she didn't try to drown you in some vodka fountain deep in the recesses of your basement. He made a rude comment about Lisa Hochstein‘s boobs, and even got loud with Elsa, screaming at her that she was almost at her expiration date and needed to sit down and shut up. Oh no you did not just call Mama Elsa an overripe fruit. Only I get to do that.

This guy was born in Germany and is 55 years old. The very rich part I got right, as he's described as real estate investor and venture capitalist, and was estimated to have made $30 million at the downturn of the German economy…way back in 1987. But you actually don't need to know all that. All you need to know is that he's a crazy old pseudo straight(?) man who screams at his guests until he's red in the face, with a lot of money and a stripper pole at his table.