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‘Real Housewives Of Miami’ Doll Recap: Rick Ross Rides Again

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After last week’s episode, the ladies make up for a lackluster pilot by viciously criticizing anything and everything under the sweltering Miami sun. Adriana complains about Larsa and Cristy hating on her for taking the cat walk during last week’s episode. “I did it like a pro,” she proclaims. Her boyfriend Frederic thinks the ladies are just jealous, which Adriana explains that Cristy and Larsa are simply immature high school backstabbers. Frederic is too busy staring at her boobs to actually respond, but you know in his heart he completely agrees.

Most of the episode revolves around Lea’s benefit auction for The Consequences Charity. While they’ve managed to raise about $1 million per auction in years past, Lea worries, rightly, about how the economy will affect people’s ability to bid $225,000 on a sports car. Meanwhile, Alexia gives us a sneak peek at her job over at Venus Magazine, which from all appearances seems to be a magazine her husband Hector bought for her to give her something to do. Her stepson Hector Jr. points out that having the same five friends of Alexia on the cover over and over again is exceedingly “tacky,” but Alexia isn’t willing to hear it. “The lower person” loves seeing socialites, she explains to the camera. Why take that away from them? I’d criticize that, if I wasn’t that exact kind of person who would watch this show!

Cristy invites the ladies over for some Cuban food, thus giving them more things to complain about. This has to be the most complaining group of Housewives yet; it’s sort of insane. Nothing Is Ever Good Enough. “For me to take 2 or 3 hours our for a luncheon is just unheard of!” Lea complains. Adorable, funny celebrity chef Pepin is all about himself, Alexia sniffs. He made some food in a Crock Pot, Larsa gasps. He might as well be cooking plantains in a dog’s mouth! The food is junk, Adriana grieves. Looks like Cristy should have just shoved everything into the pool and be done with it.

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