Real Housewives Of Miami Doll Recap: But Is It Art?

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It’s the day after the gala, and as expected the repercussions of What Cristy Did (i.e. sneaking in to Lea’s gala without paying) are all anyone can talk about for five seconds. Apparently Cristy told security she was famous to get in which, girl please. That’d be enough to make us mail off an angry invoice. Cristy meets up with Larsa and her friends, explains that she went in “in good faith,” not to attend another benefit, which apparently means you don’t have to pay money for things. I’m filling my purse with Snickers I took from the deli “in good faith”! Larsa applauds her for still going after getting a flat tire, which I don’t believe for a second actually happened because if something that exciting had occurred, IT WOULD BE IN THE EPISODE. Also, does Cristy not get that it was a benefit for underprivileged kids? Just pay the ticket fee, woman! “I can’t stand 5 more seconds of his conversation,” Cristy sighs before heading off to dance. Methinks we’re going to be saying that a lot about pretty much everything Cristy says.

It’s Ardriana’s turn hosts the girls for lunch; unfortunately, she’s operating on Brazilian time, which is approximately an hour and a half late. “30 minutes is cute, an hour and a half is disgusting,” Larsa explains. It turns out, Adriana was late to her “make-up appointment” and then got stuck in traffic. Just to be clear, Adriana wasn’t going to any kind of event that required a professional make-up artist; she was just going to lunch with her friends. While I had initionally pegged Cristy as the villain (and don’t get my wrong; she seems terrible), Lea is increasingly super-snarky about everything Adriana does, including and not limited to flirting with men who aren’t her boyfriend. “It’s not my place to say,” Lea finally admits after bad-mouthing her friend for about 45 minutes, which is never, ever going to stop her from saying.

To provide the requisite party in each episode, Adriana is hosting an opening at her gallery. Unfortunately, the artist Marcos hasn’t PAINTED THE PAINTINGS two days before the opening. Adriana commissioned 37 paintings; 48 hours before the show, there are twelve actually complete. Rafael, Adriana’s business partner, joins her in laying down the law on Marcos, but you can pretty much tell it’s going to be a disaster. Later when she returns to oversee his work, Marcos whines then basically calls Adriana a bitch for asking him to not ruin her gallery opening. He’s an artist, Adriana! He’s allowed to mope and go to lunch rather than actually produce work! Look at his hair, woman!

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