Approximately Everyone Is Being Fired From Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

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real housewives premiere arrivals 3 221012Those ladies on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills better get a time machine and go back and start retroactively flipping some tables, because it's looking like almost all of their jobs are in danger. Although the current season has had record numbers, it sounds like the only cast members who are definitely coming back for another year are Brandi Glanville and Lisa Vanderpump. Brandi I can understand because she wields a mighty Twitter sword in her ongoing battle with noted husband-stealer LeAnn Rimes, and people want to follow that. But I have yet to understand what black magic Lisa has performed on Andy Cohen to make him keep giving her things like a season renewal and her own spin-off. I feel like that woman has a little pan pipe that she uses to tame Andy's dick and make it rise out of its basket like a trained cobra. That's the only explanation that makes a little bit of sense to me.

As far as the four other women on the show — Kyle Richards, Kim Richards, Adrienne Maloof, and Yolanda Foster — their fates aren't necessarily sealed, but they've already done all their filming, so it's not like they can go back and add in any missed dirt to make it more exciting. According to a source:

“Kim’s addiction storyline has been exhausted and she doesn’t bring anything to the show anymore. Yolanda was brought in as a super-rich trophy wife, but she’s just been so boring to watch and doesn’t add anything to the dynamic of the group. As for Kyle, she is easily replaceable. Producers are looking for over-the-top cast members and would love to have Lionel Richie‘s wife, Brenda and Sylvester Stallone‘s wife, Jennifer on the show.”

So in case you're as bad at math as these ladies are at staying on television, that's two thirds of the cast in danger of getting laid off. But what? But why?

“The show has actually had record ratings during the third season, but producers feel that the fighting has just become too personal and viewers have voiced their displeasure at the ugliness of it. Viewers want to see the ladies fighting about showing up to a party wearing the same designer, or not being invited to a swanky party. What viewers don’t like is the constant threat of lawsuits between the ladies, how can they want to sue one another when they are on a reality show for heavens sake? The show needs star power, glamor, excitement, not bickering and constant fighting — and that is what they want for the fourth season.”

Sounds like we need some kinder ladies, huh? Well let's all take a moment to cross our fingers and pray that the winds of change blow four gracious, polite new women Bravo's way. Preferably four new British nannies with peacock umbrellas and magic carpetbags. I would watch that show.

(Image: Nikki Nelson / WENN.com)