Video: Ralph Fiennes Reads Erotic Harry Potter Fan Fiction In His Pajamas

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Ralph Fiennes reading Harry Potter erotica Broken Innocence with Andy Cohen

Bet you never thought you'd hear the phrase “Lord Voldemort reads Harry Potter erotica in his pajamas,” right? But that's the beauty of Andy Cohen‘s Sunday night show Watch What Happens Live—he wrangles the most random guests and puts them in uncomfortable situations for our enjoyment. Last night, he and Ralph Fiennes — who played Voldemort throughout the Potter films — both donned striped jammies and slippers before Andy made his move.

Holly Hunter was there too, but this story is about Harry Potter and not Thirteen.

Poor Ralph (which is actually pronounced like “Rafe”) looked like he was trying to curl into a little ball of embarrassment when Andy started in on Potter erotica. (Which, to be fair, is so 2001.) He definitely didn't seem to be having as much fun as Michael Sheen did reading Twilight fanfic, but that's probably because here poor Ralph had to face the knowledge that thousands of fans had imagined him having sex with a thirteen-year-old boy. So overall, Andy's joke was about half as effective as he must have intended: He got Ralph to read a few lines while sexy saxophone music played, but Ralph didn't look like he actually had a lot of fun doing it.

I was going to link to the entire “Broken Innocence” fic, but wow is it dirty—and not in a good way, since it involves underage Harry and rape. The Watch What Happens interns who had to troll the internet for the most graphic porn fic also managed to pull out the only five clean lines for reading it on-air.