The 10 Movies That Are Going To Win Everything At The Oscars This Year

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This is a comparatively sparse year for Oscar buzz-y movies (I mean, who can really top 2013, am I right?), so I'm about to do something very stupid. Even though almost none of these movies have come out yet, and I've seen exactly zero of them…I'm going to predict the ten movies that are going to win everything at the Oscars this year.

So bold! So daring! So (hopefully) insightful! This won't be entirely off-the-cuff, obviously, because I'm only including films that have been premiered and raved about at festivals like Sundance, Cannes, and TIFF, but it's still a pretty ballsy move, so come along with me on this grand adventure.

Or, alternatively, if it's four months in the past and Oscar nominations are out and you're here to laugh at me for being so wrong, then GET ON OUT OF HERE YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD!!!!!!!!!!

1. Wild

The true story of a heroin addict facing the death of her mother and the death of her marriage who took to the Pacific Crest Trail alone to find herself. Played by Reese Witherspoon, who will almost certainly also find herself a nomination for Best Actress.

2. The Theory of Everything

Another true story, this one chronicling the life of Stephen Hawking before and after his diagnosis, specifically focusing on his relationship with his wife. Seems like a pretty solid bet that either or both Eddie Redmayne and Felicity Jones will get Best Acting nominations, and I'd be shocked if this behemoth isn't up for Best Picture.

3. The Imitation Game

Yet another true story (sensing a theme here?) this time about Alan Turing, the mathematical genius who cracked the German's Enigma Code, significantly shortening World War II and inarguably saving lives. But after all of his accomplishments, he was prosecuted for being a homosexual, like, actually, in a court of law and everything, so if that doesn't spell a Best Actor nomination for Benedict Cumberbatch, who plays him, then I don't know what does.

4. Interstellar

SPACE! MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY! ANNE HATHAWAY! JESSICA CHASTAIN! I think even saying those four things in order makes an Oscar nomination appear, but I could be wrong. Does it help if I add director Christopher Nolan? Definitely can't hurt.

5. Inherent Vice

Hopefully the fact that this Paul Thomas Anderson film is described as a ‘comedy-drama crime thriller' won't throw off the Academy too much, because this movie about a private investigator looking into the disappearance of his ex-girlfriend's boyfriend is stacked with talent from Joaquin Phoenix to Josh Brolin to Reese Witherspoon.

6. Birdman

Another kind of a wacky one that I think is gonna be a sleeper hit — Birdman is a black comedy starring Michael Keaton as a kind of a has-been actor famous for playing an iconic superhero (basically his own history playing Batman), and now trying to stage a comeback in the form of a Broadway play.

7. Foxcatcher

This is my early pick for the Best Picture win, so cross your fingers that I'm right. It's being billed as a psychological thriller and it stars Channing Tatum and Mark Ruffalo as the Schultz brothers, both Olympic wrestlers, whose fateful relationship with their multi-billionaire benefactor John DuPont, played by Steve Carell, ends in tragedy. Big money, you guys. Big big money.

8. Still Alice


(via Hitfix)

I haven't 100% figured out how this one is gonna make its way into the field of contenders, since it isn't scheduled for release until January 2016, but the producers have been saying their making an Oscar bid for it so that Julianne Moore can throw her hat into the Best Actress ring. A ring she'll most likely dominate, since she plays a cognitive psychologist suffering from early-onset Alzheimer's. Eesh.

9. A Most Violent Year

This ‘American crime action drama' is set in New York City in the winter of 1981, statistically one of the most high-crime eras of all time, and follows a recently immigrated family as they attempt to cash in on the American dream. Starring Jessica Chastain (hello again), Oscar Isaacs, that old friend of the Academy, and directed by J.C. Chandor. I see him coming out of this with a nomination for Best Director, but only time will tell.

10. The Homesman

This is probably the least buzzed-about of the bunch, but I trust its stars Tommy Lee Jones and Hilary Swank to make good choices. I don't feel like they've led me that far astray up 'til now. The plot centers around three women who are driven mad by the hard life on the American frontier, and must be transported on a daunting journey across the harsh Nebraska Territories by an independent-minded lady. (Hilary Swank, obviously.) Sounds pretty good and gritty to me, and Meryl Streep is in it too, in case I forgot to mention, so stay tuned.

What do you think, friendlies? Did I miss any? Fill me in down in the comments!