Start Your Christmas Right with the OITNB Version of “Twas the Night Before Christmas”
If you ever thought classic holiday tales needed narrators with a little bit more of a naughty side, the ladies of Orange is the New Black are here to help. To tide us over until season 4 premieres next year, Piper Chapman and the gang put their own spin on “Twas the Night Before Christmas” or “Twas a Night in Litchfield”, as they like to call it. Their version starts in a similar way to the original with Red, Poussey, and Cindy telling us “Twas a night in Litchfield and all through the prison, not a creature was stirring, not even a chicken.” Then to show us this isn't our grandmother's Christmas story they share that “the cell phones were stashed in the walls all around, in hopes that the contraband wouldn't be found.”
Then Piper, Sophia, Crazy Eyes, and the rest of the ladies join in to tell us about their eventful night. They hear a clatter and see “an old white dude” appear in the prison (maybe he got in through that hole in the fence?). They soon realize it's Old Saint Nick there to give them some much-needed gifts, but not before they rob and rough him up, according to Gloria. In his bag are things only inmates could be wishing for like books, grass for the yard, eyeliner, and even a new screwdriver for Boo. But soon, Caputo arrives to shut the only thing down and just like that St. Nick is away without so much as “and to all a good night.”
The video is a nice treat but if Netflix really wanted to spread Christmas cheer, they could give us some new episodes to celebrate the holidays with.