That Swiss Bag Saleslady Is Calling Oprah A Liar, Which Definitely Won’t End Badly

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Oprah Winfrey attending The Butler premiere August 2013

Remember that time that a Swiss saleslady pulled a Pretty Woman on professional money-harvester Oprah Winfrey and didn't let her look at a $38,000 Tom Ford bag because it was ‘too expensive'? Big mistake. Huge. Well she's just digging that hole even deeper by contesting Oprah's version of events, calling her a liar for saying that the alleged interaction had even the slightest whiff of racism to it.

Let me stop you right there for a second, Zurich shop girl, because there's really only one appropriate response here, and it's in the form of a statement like: “I deeply apologize for any misunderstanding. It certainly is never my intention to discriminate against any customer, regardless of race, sexual orientation, age, gender, religion, or any other factor, and I regret that my actions were interpreted in that way. I love me some Oprah, Oprah forever, long live Oprah, seize la Oprah, etcetera etcetera.”

But I got here too late to give that advice, apparently, as the clerk has already been out and about giving anonymous anti-Oprah interviews. Which is pretty dangerous behavior unless you don't fear the most powerful mogul in the world who has a literally unlimited supply of money. I mean, the woman practically grows it on trees in her front yard and finds hundos inside eggs when she goes to crack them for an omelet. Maybe not the best person about whom to say the following:

‘…I showed her some bags from the Jennifer Aniston collection. I explained to her the bags came in different sizes and materials, like I always do. She looked at a frame behind me. Far above there was the 35,000 Swiss franc crocodile leather bag. I simply told her that it was like the one I held in my hand, only much more expensive, and that I could show her similar bags. It is absolutely not true that I declined to show her the bag on racist grounds. I even asked her if she wanted to look at the bag.'

You guys, I never told her I was racist, I swear it! Never once did I say the words, “You cannot see this bag because I am racist, Oprah Winfrey!”

‘She looked around the store again but didn't say anything else. Then she went with her companion to the lower floor. My colleague saw them to the door. They were not even in the store for five minutes.'

Oh man, we're so foolish. It sounds like Oprah didn't even say a word the whole time! She just glided around the store like a dementor for five minutes and then peaced out. No wonder she didn't want to show her the bag! She would have given it her Kiss, sucking out all its value through one of the crocodile scales and rendering it un-sellable! CAN YOU IMAGINE.

‘I don't know why she is making these accusations. She is so powerful and I am just a shop girl. I didn't hurt anyone. I don't know why someone as great as her must cannibalize me on TV. If it had all taken place as she claimed, why has she not complained the next day at the wedding of Tina Turner with Trudie Goetz, my boss? She was there also at the Turner wedding as a guest. I don't understand it.'

Yeah guys, come on! If this had really happened the way Oprah said it did, when she described the incident to the media without naming the shop, then don't you think she would've made a point of pausing Tina Turner's wedding to walk up to a complete stranger and saying, “Pardon me, but do you own a bag shop? I recognize you from nowhere, considering we've never met before and I don't know your name or your face, are you Trudie Goetz? Famed Swiss store-owner Trudie Goetz?!? I am the little-known Oprah Winfrey, and I only ask because I get a distinctly crocodile-y vibe from you. It's just that I've got a bone to pick with someone who wouldn't sell me a crocodile bag and NO TINA I WILL NOT SIT DOWN YOU CAN CUT THE CAKE SOMEWHERE ELSE.”

That all sounds perfectly plausible to me. Especially the part where Oprah eats human meat live on air. She just cannibalized that poor woman, and I can't believe no one's reporting it.

(Image: Dennis Van Tine / Future Images / WENN.com)