Nicole Scherzinger Wishes She ‘Were More Slutty,’ The World Assures Her There’s No Need

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Nicole Scherzinger STK London March 8th 2013

I don't even know where to start with this latest Nicole Sherzinger zinger, everybody. I don't think there's any response that will appropriately capture the confusion I feel right now better than the face I made when I read this quote. I wish I had a picture of it to share with you, but to summarize, it involves an agape mouth, two eyebrows practically overlapping in the middle of my forehead, and two eyes frantically zipping back and forth reading and rereading and reading again to try to decipher if what I just read is serious or not. And the sad conclusion I've come to is that it is.

So remain seated (and get seated if you're standing up at a computer station somewhere or you just like standing up — no judgment), maybe have someone strap you down in your chair, possibly bite down on something to prevent tongue injury, and prepare for what you're about to read. Here we go.

In a new interview with The Atlantic, reported on by E! News, the Pussycat Girls frontwoman addresses her provocative song lyrics:

“With these kind of songs, I don't feel I have to justify myself to anyone. I come from the most religious family – my grandfather is a priest – and if they support me in all this, and they do, then I'm OK. I'm being sassy and classy; I'm having fun. I'm not coming from a dark place. To be honest with you, I sometimes wish I were more slutty. I'd probably be a lot more successful if I were.”

Did you get through it? Are you okay? Do you need to take five minutes to clear your head? Are you back now? Are you ready to talk about this? We need to talk about this. I know it's hard, but we have to work through this together.

To be honest, I'm mostly sharing this with you guys because I'm 95% convinced I hallucinated it. Especially because, in the article, the writer closes the quote and then goes right into discussing Nicole's boyfriend Lewis Hamilton. No transition, no “Whaaaa?”, no nothing.

The first question I have for Nicole regarding her slutty aspirations is how this is even possible. She was in a group called the Pussycat Dolls, she's posed naked and danced around in skimpy outfits, she sang a song about men wishing their girlfriends were “hot” and “a freak” like her. I just… I don't think there's anywhere to go from there. No matter what your views are about the use of the word “slut” and what it means to be one, I don't think anyone is sitting up nights thinking Nicole Scherzinger needs to be sluttier. It's just not something anyone thinks. If I made a list of things nobody thinks, “Nicole Scherzinger should be sluttier” would be at the top of that list.

Second of all, thanks for your one-woman effort to set feminism back however many years it takes to get back to Crazy Time B.C., Nicole. The women of the world really appreciate that you think being slutty makes you more successful.

And finally, the use of the word “classy” to describe herself just a few sentences before she expresses this wish should be printed under “WTF” in the dictionary.

In conclusion, Nicole: No. Just no.

(Photo: WENN.com)