Prepare To Be Confused By How Hot Young Nick Offerman Looks In A Bikini Top

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Ron Swanson shut your damn mouth

Forget coffee and breakfast and slapping yourself in the face ten times. I've got an even better method you can use to get yourself excited for the day, and it involves a photo of a young Nick Offerman wearing a silly outfit and looking sexy. So sit back, relax, and get ready to be thoroughly confused by and also extremely obsessed with what shall from now on be referred to as “The Greatest Photograph Ever Taken In The History Of Great Photographs.” We can always shorten that later.

Nick Offerman young bikini top

(Photo: thisisnotporn.net, via Buzzfeed)

Buzzfeed doesn't understand why he's dressed as a hula girl and wearing a bone in his hair Pebbles Flintstone style, and neither does the site where they discovered the photo, ThisisNotPorn.net (a very misleading name, because if you ask me this is most definitely porn — no question). But I've always been of the opinion that not everything needs to be understood to be appreciated. Just because I have no context for why Nick is dressed like that doesn't mean I find him any less attractive.

And I really do find him attractive. I mean, I already found Nick Offerman attractive, because he's Nick Offerman. Do I really need to explain it? But I also happen to be obsessed with photos and videos of celebrities before they were famous, especially when they're men wearing bikini tops. There's simply no better thing to see. So this photo is pretty much a lethal cocktail of amazingness for me. I wonder what it would take to convince him to recreate this look on the next season of Parks and Recreation. I stand by my opinion that the show shouldn't have been renewed, but this might be a great way to make up for it. Although something tells me Ron Swanson wouldn't be wearing such a happy expression.

Sigh. Megan Mullally is one lucky lady.

(GIF: Tumblr)