The Evil Geniuses at Netflix Are Helping Parents Lie to Their Children This New Year’s Eve

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Kathy Bates AHS Lies


What would we do without Netflix? It provides us with hours upon  hours of movies and TV shows, and now it's providing parents with the perfect method for getting their children to bed early on New Year's Eve — by lying to them about what time it is. But hey, we spend the whole Christmas season lying to them about the existence of a guy in a red suit who slides down their chimney, so what's one more instance of dishonesty before the new year?

The streaming site is offering several countdown programs featuring children's characters like the Care Bears and Mr. Peabody and Sherman. It's kind of like a yule log video, in that it's totally fake and offers no warmth. Parents can press play whenever they want, pretend it's the new year, and then send their kids off to bed. You know, so then they're free to spend the rest of the night getting wasted or having sex or shouting obscenities at Ryan Seacrest or whatever the hell they want to do that their children can't witness.

Here's what Netflix said about the programs:

“Midnight, shmidnight. This year you can celebrate as a family and still have time for a parents-only party with a whole new set of New Year’s Eve countdowns on Netflix designed for preschoolers, tweens and everyone in between.”

I think tweens might be a little bit too old to believe this bullshit, since they can hopefully read a clock by that age and will know that it's a lie, no matter what the girls from Project Mc2 tell them. Unless the parents go above and beyond to change the time on every clock and device in the house and very seriously tell the kids that they're insane for thinking it's earlier than midnight and they might need to be committed.

Wow, that got dark. Anyway, have fun with your lies!