Entertainment

Natalie Portman Just Won Commencement Speeches With Her Talk At Harvard Class Day

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It's always pretty awkward when you run into someone who's smarter, prettier, and just an all-around better person than you'll ever be, right? I mean, you just feel so inadequate for the rest of the day and end up crying into a bucket of fried chicken while burrito-ing yourself in your comforter. Or is that just me? Who am I kidding? Of course it's not just me—it's the entire Harvard Class of 2015 after attending Natalie Portman‘s Harvard Class Day speech! Phew. At least I'm among some future world leaders in my chicken-drowned shame.

Natalie is notable for countless reasons other than being the main person that little Jewish ladies like me look up to and being the only girl that both Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher have ever kissed. She also happens to moonlight as a Keira Knightley lookalike and graduated from Harvard back in 2003. So, you might say that she's pretty much the most important human creation since ketchup-flavored potato chips. Or, you know, you might not. I don't really know you. You might not be a ketchup fan. Either way, Natalie's experience as an actress, producer, director, and an all-around amazing human being made her the appropriate choice to deliver a commencement speech to the frat bros who will one day rule this fine country. And what did she tell them? Essentially, to get the sticks out of their butts and understand that they really don't know anything at all.

I joke, I kid. She didn't say those things, exactly. It was more along the lines of, “None of us know what we're doing with our lives. And really, it doesn't matter what we do—it matters how we do it.” But, again, I'm paraphrasing. What she really said was this:

“Make use of the fact that you don't doubt yourself too much right now because, as we get older, we get more realistic. Accept your lack of knowledge and use it as your asset.”

She also said this, because #Harvard:

“I have to admit, primarily because I can't deny it—as it was leaked in the Wikileaks release of the Sony hack—that when I was invited I replied, and I directly quote my own email, ‘Wow, this is so nice! I'm going to need some funny ghost writers. Any ideas?'”

Let it be known that she didn't turn to anyone here at Crushable for her ghostwriter request, and for that I will never forgive her. JK, I probably will, because Natalie Portman is the tits. Watch her speech in full below!

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