The Jersey Shore House Surviving Hurricane Sandy Is Proof That There Is No God

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When I first heard that the Jersey shore was taking a particularly hard pounding from Hurricane Sandy, I was of course worried for all the business and homes that would be affected. However, I saw a silver lining in the fact that MTV's infamous Jersey Shore house in Seaside Heights might finally be wiped off the map for good. Try to ruin America's image in the eyes of the world without a house to live in, Jersey Shore people!

Imagine my chagrin, then, when I found out that despite the boardwalk, the amusement park, and much of the town of Seaside Heights being destroyed, the Jersey Shore house still stands. It will live to house countless more shots, pranks, and dirty, drunken smushings.

Why, oh why, would this house of iniquity be spared when the dwellings of simple, hardworking people all around it were being smashed to smithereens? The people in this house drink to excess. They have extra-marital sex. They weaken America's international standing. Beyond that, they commit the mortal sin of being really annoying all the time. If ever there was a house that deserved a good smiting, it's this one. God wouldn't have even had to expend too much extra effort! But He smote it not. If this isn't definitive proof that God is dead, I don't know what is.

In all seriousness, the cast members all send their condolences to the people on the Jersey shore who've been affected by this horrific natural disaster, as do I. But it's still going to be a while before a little voice in the back of my mind stops screaming “WHY?”

Photo: WENN