Remember when Legally Blonde became a musical and all of a sudden, in just a bend and a snap, everything was right with the world? Seeing Elle Woods come to life on stage to the beat of sugar-coated original showtunes was what dreams are made of. And when we think about it, the public is missing out on other blockbuster and indie hits that would translate into pure magic onstage.
No people, not Wonder Woman or Iron Man (sorry), but thoughtful and quirky films that require another layer of deep introspection. Something that only an emotionally-rooted song sung in A minor and accompanied by a well-choreographed Fosse-style dance number. Jazz hands with a side of one, two shuffle has Wes Anderson films written all over it.
This movie featuring the Brat Pack is already gifted up nicely in a musical package with a red ribbon tied around it, ready for it to be put on Broadway. The characters, plus the fact that it takes place in only a detention room (good for the budget), makes it a sure thing to be a big Broadway hit. Just insert the cast of Riverdale into the mix and you've got musical money-making magic written all over it.
20th Century Fox
Snip, Snip Snip. Those razor sharp hands able to coif a full head of hair in record time would be visually appealing in real life — as in, while sitting center stage in orchestra seats. Imagine the larger-than-life topiaries in the shape of elephants and dinosaurs on stage in all their green envy. The imaginative world of Tim Burton onstage would be like a moving watercolor painting with an intriguing dark shadow of strange and peculiar.
The music would obviously be scored by Danny Elfman and feature songs about hair, sharp fingers, and some tearjerking ballads about not fitting in and just being yourself.
"As If!" This would be the opening dance number of Clueless: The Broadway Musical. You might also find other hits like "Rolling With My Homies," "A Virgin Who Can't Drive," and the closing number "Wait, I Love Josh!". The costumes would be AH-MAZING (duh) and the whole show could give you that dose of '90s nostalgia that you're looking for around every corner.
New Line Cinema
Scene One: Roller Girl spins around on stage in her pearly white skates with pigtails as the Donna Summer hit "Bad Girls" plays in a dance club setting. She sees Dirk Diggler, inspiring porn star with a rather large penis (insert rubber prosthetic here) and they begin to do the hustle. This play will have something for everyone - except children, don't bring the kids. This Broadway show would have to be the first ever NC-17 rated one and let's face it, folks, it's about damn time. No one would be able to miss it.
"Say My Name Three Times" would be the annoying song that we would skip on our playlist after we downloaded the soundtrack because the only song that would really matter is that "Day-o" song. Another Tim Burton musical come to life would feature insane costumes that would probably sweep at the Tony Awards.
Let's cast Evan Peters from American Horror Story as Beetlejuice. The program would look like the Handbook for the Recently Deceased and we'll just keep Winona Ryder in her original role because she's perfect fresh off of acting creepy and neurotic as it is after her turn on Stranger Things.
Lights come up on a dark stage where Forrest Gump is sitting on a park bench sharing his box of chocolates with a stranger and he begins to tell the story of his life. The concession stand would have to sell mini boxes of chocolates, peas and carrots, and shrimp — duh. Music from different decades carries out the story about the life of Forrest Gump flawlessly.
Also, Forrest runs and runs and runs around the entire theater and encourages the audience to stand up and run with him. No need to go to the gym before seeing Forrest Gump: The Musical cause you'll get your workout at the end.
I mean, come on Broadway! This just has to be a Broadway musical. In addition to the quirky characters that would translate perfectly to the stage and hilarious dance numbers, there are all types of one-liners from the movie that could be turned into some pretty catchy songs. "As You Wish," "My Name is Inigo Montoya," and "Mawiagge," to name a few. Billy Crystal could reprise his role as Miracle Max and just sprinkle in a little Ryan Gosling or Emma Stone as the leads to guarantee this new show is a classic hit.
The set is basically one large open dollhouse where we can see Kevin McAllister and the bad guy robbers running around setting off booby traps. Part of the proceeds of the play would go to the Memory Institute because who the hell forgets their kid at home when leaving for Christmas vacation? A coupon for aftershave would be in the program and whoever wears the ugliest Christmas sweater to the play wins plane tickets to Paris. The best songs would be "Ya Filthy Animal" and "Wet Bandits," obvi.
Goonies never die! Let's just cast the entire cast of Stranger Things in Goonies: The Musical and make it easy on everyone. A life-sized pirate ship would appear onstage during the finale and the cast will throw gold chocolate coins at the audience. I'm down.
Basically this musical could just be called The Dude. The entire thing would take place in a bowling alley (don't worry, there will be plenty of oversized pins in the lobby so you can Instagram the hell out of yourself standing next to them) and everyone is encouraged to wear a robe or dirty cardigan sweater to the performance. Jesus Quintana would be played by Mark Consuelos so Kelly Ripa can talk about her husband everyday on Live with Kelly and Ryan to boost ticket sales. Sounds pretty perfect to me!
Imagine this film turned into a musical about a Prince who comes to America to find his Queen — in Queens, New York. It would be a hilarious comedy like Book of Mormon, but the music would be on-point like Hamilton. The numbers would be so popular, hitting the mainstream airwaves with hits like "Sexual Chocolate" and "You Never Met No Frank Sinatra" (which is obviously a dance number that takes place in a barber shop).
Look for elaborate costumes, rose petals being thrown from the ceiling, and Arsenio Hall sitting center stage every night of the week, wishing the lead would get sick so he can take over and be famous again.
This beautiful movie written by the talented Charlie Kaufman would be a perfect addition to the Broadway lineup. It could start off with the two lovers, Joel and Clementine when they meet on the train, thus starting with an ABBA-style love song with other passengers dancing on the train in the background à la La La Land. We could totally envision every song being written by someone like Fiona Apple, setting the tone for this kooky musical.
The dream sequences would be digitally displayed on a screen onstage so the audience can keep track of the couple's disappearing memories of each other. Honestly, I'd see it in a heartbeat.
I'm all about giving the cast of Riverdale summer jobs. Redheaded Cheryl (Madelaine Petsch) will play Molly Ringwald's character, Sam, and Archie (KJ Apa) will play Jake. There will be plenty of musical numbers like "I Can't Believe They Forgot My Birthday" and "Show Me The Panties," to name a few. The show could also feature '80s hits throughout to bring you back.
Pulp Fiction: The Musical would be a gritty, crime comedy with a killer dance number set at a diner. If Pulp Fiction came to Broadway, it would feature original songs written by Beck and Kanye West. Taylor Swift could even break into the theater industry by playing Mia Wallace. (Hey — I could see it!) Samuel L. Jackson would reprise his role as Jules because he's got that death stare down pat and let's face it, the guy could kill it in any role he takes.
Little Miss Sunshine has so many opportunities within the film to break out into song, so why not turn it into a musical? Especially since half the movie takes place on the road and we all need tunes to get us through those long road trips. A special appearance from Honey-Boo-Boo and Mama June during the pageant scenes would really up ticket sales, and Volkswagen could definitely sponsor the entire show because everybody will be wanting to buy a VW van after seeing this musical (as we all did after seeing the movie for the first time).
Buena Vista Pictures
This bizarre, but emotionally captivating musical would be composed and written by Alanis Morissette and all the songs would ironically sound just like hits off her Jagged Little Pill album. Elle Fanning would star as Margot and John Mayer would play tennis prodigy, Richie. Can't you just imagine the "Your Body is a Wonderland" crooner carrying around a tennis racket that doubles as a guitar and breaking out into song during each one of his scenes? Just mentioning that all hardcore Royal Tenenbaums fans would obviously come dressed in Adidas tracksuits or fur coats.
New World Pictures
When Heathers first premiered, it was a box office failure but it has since gained recognition as a cult classic — meaning fans would definitely pay to see this flick on stage. While it's got some seriously dark undertones, there's just something about this film that would translate well to the theater. Kind of Sweeney Todd-esque.
This site is part of the Clevver Network.