Miley Cyrus Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop Pretending To Be Engaged

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Miley Cyrus Twitter picture hat sticking tongue out February 2013No matter how good you are at your job, I promise you aren't as good as Miley Cyrus is at hers. And no, I'm not talking about acting or singing or tweeting or twerking, although those elements are all part of it — Miley's job is one she gave herself, called President of Drama-Causing, and she is really killing it right now.

Even though rumors have been circulating for weeks, if not months, about Miley and Liam Hemsworth being broken up, and even though she and Justin Bieber have been spending a suspicious amount of time together and in the basic vicinity of his new (and ridiculous) leopard-print Audi, Miley is still insisting that she and Liam are not only not broken up, but actually still engaged. OKAY BUDDY. Early this morning, Miley called into a radio program called The Kane Show on Hot 99.5 in Washington D.C., and when she was asked whether she and Justin were dating, she said:

“I’m ENGAGED! I’m engaged. That is impossible.”

Okay I know we're not talking about the same thing, but you're right, Miley — it is impossible. It's impossible that you and Liam are engaged and haven't been seen together in multiple months. It's impossible that multiple members of your family have confirmed you're not getting married, and you're still pretending that you are. It's impossible that any one engagement ring needs to be cleaned that many times. These are all things I find impossible, even if you are making him sleep on the couch. Because you know what? Sooner or later, engaged people hang out. It's just a fact of nature. They accidentally go to the gym at the same time, or zip down to the same bodega for a snack, or even intentionally attend some sort of event together where they can be photographed as a couple. These are things that happen when you're really and truly engaged to someone and not just working the will-they-won't-they cow's udders for more milk attention.

Miley was also asked about Amanda Bynes‘ recent selection of Miley as the newest target of her “you're ugly” campaign, to which she uncharacteristically responded, “I won’t even entertain.” I think that proves my theory even more completely. If Miley is turning down a beef with a fellow Twitter celebrity, it's only because her on-again-off-again engagement is taking up all over her focus. So let's let her get back to it! Carpe tweetum, right everybody?! Seize the tweets!

(Image: Twitter / WENN.com)