10 Guys Who Probably Said No To Miley Cyrus Before She Got To Patrick Schwarzenegger

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Miley Cyrus kissing Patrick Schwarzenegger at USC game November 2014(Photo: Harry How / Getty Images Sport)

Hey everybody, big news — Miley Cyrus has a new boyfriend, and judging by the photos of them kissing at the USC game yesterday, she really wants us all to care about it.

His name is Patrick Schwarzenegger, and this early on in their fledgling relationship, all that it's important to know about him is that he's the son of Ahnold, he's mildly famous, and he's great at multitasking, like when he wrapped up a quick text over Miley's shoulder mid-smooch. Obviously that's super romantic, but what we really want to focus on is the fame part, because that's clearly what this is all about. Now that Little Miss Ladypants' tour is over and she doesn't get to flash her butt cheeks at an audience anymore, she needs to find a new hobby that will keep her in the news.

Dating Liam Hemsworth was a pretty effective way to keep that happening, but obviously that's off the table now, as are a bunch of other people too, apparently, because Patrick Schwarzenegger is not that famous of a name. Makes me wonder how many more-famous people Miley propositioned before she finally got to someone who said yes. Care to speculate with me? (I know you would.)

1. Mike WiLL Made-It

They already collaborated on '23' and there were a bunch of rumors they were dating, so it would've made perfect sense. If Miley's smart, he would've been at the top of her list.

2. Terry Richardson

Terry Richardson and Miley Cyrus topless October 2013(Image: Tumblr)

After that creepy, underage-y photo shoot he did with her? CAN YOU IMAGINE THE OUTRAGE. It would've kept her in the news for weeks, ala her performance at the 2013 Video Music Awards.

3. Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber deposition video 'no' GIF(via)

“Ugh, you're still on probation? That'll never work!”

4. Cara Delevingne

Cara Delevingne looking moody black and white GIF(via)

Sure, she's not a guy, but she's definitely a good person to date if you want to raise your profile. I mean honestly, is there any other reason we talked about Michelle Rodriguez so much this year?

5. Zac Efron

Zac Efron shrugging GIF(via)

Oh I just remembered the other reason we talked about Michelle Rodriguez so much! At least you know he's up for a fakelationship, right gal? I guess

6. Robin Thicke

Miley Cyrus VMAs Robin Thicke(via)

I guess he's really serious about getting Paula Patton back, since that whole forgiveness record thing didn't pan out.

7. Ryan Seacrest

Miley Cyrus kisses Ryan Seacrest New Years eve 2013But seriously, think of the things that could do for your career. Just two years with the dude, and you walk away clean with a $3 million breakup mansion! Oh and also they already kissed.

8. Nick Jonas

nick jonas

He's like…pretty busy grabbing his crotch and scarring us for life right now. No time for a relationship.

9. Jesse Helt

Miley Cyrus and homeless friend Jesse Helt at 2014 VMAs

(Photo: Christopher Polk / Getty Images Entertainment)

Her old homeless friend from the 2014 VMAs is in jail now, so of all these people, he has the best excuse for not being available.

10. Luke Hemsworth

He's probably married, but worth a shot? Think of the headlines, Miley! (Psst, he's the middle one.)