So Miley Cyrus And Paris Hilton Made Out, Which Is The Most Desperate News You’ll Read This Weekend
This is not a drill, folks: we are being punished. Why? Because we got all mega jazzed about the possibility of Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss maybe kinda sorta making out at a concert (I’m still firmly on Team Tarlie, but whatever) and we were kinda maybe sorta proven wrong (not convinced, but whatever). So what does the celebrity universe go and do? It hand-delivers us a story about Paris Hilton and Miley Cyrus. Making out. At a party. In front of Miley’s new boocakes, Patrick Schwarzenegger. I think I speak for all of us when I say:
According to Us Weekly, Miley and That 33-year-old Hotel Heiress That Is Still Famous Question Mark? were making out at some party and then left together with Miley’s new feau (that’s Faux Beau…go head, let it spread like wildfire) during the wee hours of the morning. Oh, and also this:
Cyrus also spent part of her night sitting on Hilton’s lap and dancing while wearing a neon pink and green fishnet Moschino outfit.
I think that’s the most Miley Cyrus-y sentence ever written. You know, if this whole “writer” thing doesn’t work out for me down the road, I want to know how to become an exclusive tabloid “source.” I would love nothing more than to receive compensation for using descriptive sentences just like that one. More importantly, what do you think they all did together after they left? My guess is it involved a game of Scrabble, a cup of hot tea, and knitted kitten mittens.
The bad news: this is significantly less exciting and newsworthy than a Taylor/Karlie smooching session. The good news? Frankie Grande finally has some company out there on Desperation Island.
(Lead GIF: Giphy)