Entertainment

I Need This Miley Cyrus Blind Item To Be True Because I Want Liam Hemsworth To Break Up With Her

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Rumor has it that Miley Cyrus is getting so desperate to stay in the spotlight that she's resorting to increasingly ridiculous stunts to keep the media interested. You know who's even less interested in her than the media? Her boyfriend Liam Hemsworth. HA! HA! HA! Manicial laughter ensues.

My apologies in advance for what is going to sound like an irrational post based on nothing but rumors and middle-school-level horomones. But please bear with me, because there's a hot Australian at stake and I think after you hear me out, you'll also cross your fingers that this bind item turns out to be true.

So after I finished reading the New York Times, The Wall Street Journal and the entire 1985 collection of Encyclopedia Britannica this morning, I thought it was only fair that I indulge in a little  blind gossip reading. And ooo boy, I found a good one on this wonderfully humid day!

Her career has waned (1), but this girl isn’t willing to sit back and see other young performers take any headlines away from her. Lots of antics in the past couple of months, each one that should be accompanied by the caption “Hey! Look at ME!”

Significant Other starring in a movie? Upstage him on the red carpet! (2)People talking about how good looking he is? Wear (or don’t wear) something that creates a photo frenzy! (3) He scored another big acting job? Create a rumor that you are in contention for a big TV job! (4) His brother is having a baby? Adopt another pet! (5) Your movie flops? Get another piercing or tattoo! (6) Not cool.

Her hunger for fame and need for constant attention is exhausting everyone, especially her Significant Other. Word is that he is looking for the exit door.

This is so clearly Miley and Liam that I could die, go to Heaven and come back via Chris Hemsworth's wife's womb just to spend more time with Liam. Need more proof? Let's run through this together. Please follow along with me using the numbers that I've so helpfully placed in the above blind item.

1. Miley Cyrus most definitely has a waning career. Her movies continue to flop and she's best known now as a classic Vanessa Bayer character on Saturday Night Live. Did you see LOL last weekend? Probably not considering that only 3 people on average saw it during each screening.

2. Liam Hemsworth not only just starred in a movie, but he starred in The Hunger Games — one of the most talked about movies this year.

3. Remember when she showed up at the  LA premiere of The Hunger Games wearing a midriff baring dress that got plenty of attention? Even back then people theorized she showed up in that not-dress-dress monstrosity to steal attention away from Liam.

4. On January 5th Liam Hemsworth landed a role in the upcoming film Empire State. On January 20th rumors start that Miley Cyrus is up for a role in the Sex and the City prequel. Interesting timing right? As of today, Liam's casting is confirmed, Miley's casting is not.

5. Chris Hemsworth and his wife just had a baby this past weekend. And as you probably have already heard Miley adopted TWO dogs with the past two weeks.

6. Miley's movie LOL flopped in a HUGE way. And her old nose piercing re-emerged this week in a huge way. Need I say more?

So there you have it. A graduate school thesis level analysis showing you why this blind item could very well be true. And if this blind item is true, then that means Liam Hemsworth is about to give ole Miley the heave ho. Fingers crossed!

(Photo: Hollywire)