Miley Cyrus Didn’t Twerk On Anyone Or Anything During Her Jingle Ball Performance Last Night

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Miley Cyrus Jingle Ball 12-13-13 2

In the second most earth-shattering music news in the last 48 hours, Miley Cyrus did not twerk on anyone or anything during her performance at the Jingle Ball in Madison Square Garden last night.  I repeat, Miley Cyrus did zero twerking during a performance.  Not a single gyration on a human or inanimate object.  Hashtag “thatshitcray”, right?  I know.

That being said, she basically warbled through her performance, slurring and mumbling through “Wrecking Ball.”  The only intelligible parts were when she belted out the chorus, but I was so distracted by the fan reaction shots that I wasn't paying close attention anyway:

Miley Cyrus Jingle Ball 12-13-13

I will say I don't know the exact name of the muscles located between your thighs and buttocks, but whatever they're called, Miley's are probably the best I've ever seen.  I'm oddly tempted to flick a silver dollar at her to see if it bounces off.  Get it, gurl.

Am I the only one who was wondering what the heck was going on here?  I mean, I know a lot of today's musicians suck at singing live but I don't think that's what this was.  I think she must have been seriously getting her eggnog backstage.  I mean, Lindsay Lohan did introduce Miley so God only knows what those two prudes were up to beforehand.

I know she's Miley and she's a pop star and plenty of performing artists get shitfaced before going on stage, but I just thought she'd want to give Madison Square Garden and her sobbing teenage fans a little more respect.  I'll let you form your own opinion, though. Just know that I'm sad it's too late to add this to our 2013 “Mileystones” list.

(Lead Photo: Twitter)