Miley Cyrus’ Brother Is Dating Her BF’s Sister, And This Is Officially A Soap Opera
I hope you’ve already had your coffee this morning, because the romantic logic puzzle I’m about to drop in your lap is going to require the full range of your intellect. Ready? Here goes — Miley Cyrus‘ brother is currently dating her boyfriend’s sister. Get all that? Don’t worry, I’ll explain. Just make sure you take notes, because there’s gonna be a test later.
And just to warn you again (I know, I know, two warnings in the first two paragraphs of this post), you’re gonna have to suspend your disbelief here for a moment. Because I’ll be speaking about Miley’s relationship with Patrick Schwarzenegger as if it’s a real thing and not one of the most obvious fakelationships of 2014. In our humble opinions.
But anyway, Miley and Patrick are all coupled up, and most of us are up to date on that fact, but what we’re just becoming aware of today is that Miley’s twenty-year old younger brother Braison has also gotten his claws into a Schwarzenegger. Her name is Christina Schwarzenegger, and like Patrick, she’s a Kennedy grandchild with a taste for Cyrus flesh. (To clarify, there’s no indication that either Schwarzenegger is a vampire. That was an unfortunate implication, but one we do not apologize for.)
So now that we have that relationship out in the open and all knowledge bombs have been dropped, I’ma need to cycle back to this ‘Braison Cyrus’ character for a second. Because HOW MANY SIBLINGS DOES MILEY HAVE?? I was aware of Noah and Trace, but Braison Cyrus sounds so much like a French technique for cooking meat that I had to Google him to make sure he’s a real thing.
Annnnnd apparently he is, so we learn something new every day. Congratulations on weaving your two families together so securely, Cyrus and Schwarzenegger clans. Long may you reign.