Mila Kunis Won’t Stop Until She’s Won Every Sexiest Woman Title In The Universe

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Mila Kunis Los Angeles premiere of Oz the Great and Powerful February 2013

I know you haven't been able to sleep knowing that FHM magazine's Sexiest Woman in the World 2012 (which apparently is so hard to decide it takes four months of deliberation) was out there somewhere and you didn't know who she was. So I will ease your mind by telling you who it is. The number one spot this year goes to Mila Kunis. This makes her both Esquire‘s Sexiest Woman Alive and the Sexiest Woman in the World. There really is a difference. To win sexiest alive you have to actually be alive. It's a small prerequisite, but it's very important. I'm assuming to be sexiest woman in the world you don't have to be living, but I'd guess it's an unwritten rule. This also of course differs from People‘s World's Most Beautiful Woman title, the prerequisites for which seem to include having a movie about to come out and smoking cigarettes in moderation. It's a very complicated system that you non-experts probably wouldn't understand.

The editor of FHM‘s 100 Sexiest (there's a job that didn't exist a century ago), Dan Jude, explained Mila's win like this:

“Not only is she naturally stunning, but she has a great sense of humor and isn't afraid to poke fun at herself.”

This sense of humor requirement is probably what led Mila to top Rihanna, who came in second place. I mean, Rihanna even seems to take her double-jeans/half-shirt look seriously.

“The nation has spoken, and the verdict is that she is officially the perfect girlfriend. She'll take some beating in 2014.”

Ya hear that, Ashton Kutcher? She's the perfect girlfriend, so I'm pretty sure that legally means you're not allowed to break up with her. I haven't read the fine print, but you should be careful about that.

It's becoming very clear that Mila Kunis will not stop until she has won every sexiest title there is. I think it's the attractiveness equivalent of EGOTing. Her title as Most F*ckable Celebrity probably contributes to that goal. Let's face it, it's basically the same as being sexiest, except it's a lot more honest. Not honest enough to use a u instead of a *, but honest nonetheless.

If you happen to be a sexy people connoisseur, you should check out the rest of the list on FHM‘s site.

(Photo: Thomas Janssen, Pacificcoastnews.com)