Michelle Duggar’s Blog Is All Kinds Of Nope

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Michelle Duggar s Blog Is All Kinds of Nope GettyImages 138689214 jpg

I’ve lived my whole life not knowing that Michelle Duggar had a blog, but now I know, and I kind of still wish I didn’t. I can’t imagine that people would willingly read whatever garbage could possibly come out of her brain, but then again, lots of people did watch 19 Kids and Counting, so I guess I am wrong.

Michelle’s latest blog post is all kinds of nope. An alleged 19 Kids fan asked her: What advice will you give Jill as a newlywed wife to keep in mind throughout her marriage? And Michelle delivered on the response. Boy, did she deliver. If you just ate lunch, my apologies. You’re likely gonna vomit, or at least feel intense nausea.

[A friend] told me: “Michelle, I know you’re so excited. You’re a bride-to-be, but some day you’ll be at this point. I’ve been married three years and I’m still happily married. I have one child, we’re expecting our second and I’m big pregnant. You’ve got to remember this. Anyone can iron Jim Bob’s shirt, anybody can make lunch for him. He can get his lunch somewhere else. But you are the only one who can meet that special need that he has in his life for intimacy. You’re it. You’re the only one. So don’t forget that, that he needs you. So when you are exhausted at the end of the day, maybe from dealing with little ones, and you fall into bed so exhausted at night, don’t forget about him because you and he are the only ones who can have that time together. No one else in the world can meet that need.”

“And so be available, and not just available, but be joyfully available for him. Smile and be willing to say, ‘Yes, sweetie I am here for you,’ no matter what, even though you may be exhausted and big pregnant and you may not feel like he feels. ‘I’m still here for you and I’m going to meet that need because I know it’s a need for you.’ ”

Did I lose you? I’m truly sorry if you had to run to the nearest trash can. Michelle also vomited up this pearl of wisdom, which isn’t *as* bad as always being sexually available to your husband, so I’ll give her the *slight* benefit of the doubt.

Another piece of advice, I’ll tell Jill – don’t ever talk about things in front of your children that are supposed to be between you and your husband only. Step aside and say we’re going to talk about this privately. And don’t ever put your husband down in front of your children or other people, especially your families. Talk privately. We always say in our family, we praise publicly, but we correct privately. And that’s marriage advice that I would give to anyone.

Given all the shit that has gone down with this asinine family, I’m not sure why ANYONE would ask Michelle Duggar for marriage advice. They really should be asking her for hair styling advice, since her mane is the epitome of elegance and sophistication. I have such hair envy, you guys.

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(Photos: Kris Connor/Getty Images)